Julie Helen: Nobody deserves to have to go through cancer

I WILL never forget the phone call I got on Good Friday. It was my mum and, following a scan she had been told that a rare form of sarcoma or cancer had returned to her body.

She was in the floods of tears and immediately apologised for what hardship she was about to subject us all to. That’s my mother out and out, always putting others before herself.

My immediate reaction was to be angry that she had been told such difficult news on her own, only 20 minutes from home. Since that day there have been more scans and consultations, culminating in chemotherapy which is already in full swing.

I have felt like someone has picked me up and shaken me vigorously and that the dizziness has yet to subside. I see my Mum with a headscarf and hair steadily falling from her head, almost gone now, and it is difficult to believe it is her.

In the same way, mum is still mum and dad is still dad and they have banded together like they always do. They are facing the challenge of cancer as a team. Dad has already taken over the management of all the medication and keeping track of treatment. He is so used to doing it for my brother, he has just added another pillbox to the collection and taken it in his stride.

I normally try to be level-headed about the cards we are dealt in life, but this time I am so cross. Nobody deserves to have to go through cancer, but I feel like my parents have really had their fair share of obstacles and trials.

Diarmuid only just got his new kidney last October and I know mum and dad were looking forward to being able to travel now that he was off the waiting list, and they didn’t have to be ready to jump at any moment.

I have been in an intense work role for nearly two years and both mum and dad quietly and steadily support that by looking after our little boy Ricky, filling in all the gaps and being a real support with my disability, whether it is taking the wheelchair in and out of the car, or a myriad of other things I can barely describe because they just do them naturally.

Truthfully, I didn’t really reflect on how much they help until it became the reality that mum would not be able to and dad needed to give more of his attention to supporting mum. I needed to find a way to help, to be useful, to be able to step up for them both as they have done for me my whole life, no questions asked. Everything I have ever wanted to do, even when the rest of the world told me it was impossible, they have facilitated and helped. Now I wanted to be able to support them and support Diarmuid and find some way to relieve the pressure and make a difficult situation a little bit easier.

As the weeks have passed, we are adapting and changing and drafting in more help. I have taken a step back from work and realised that career and work is not a linear thing and with the full support of my husband it makes it so much easier to know we will figure it out together. My own health has taken quite a dip but I don’t know where stress and worry about cancer begins and my own health ends. It feels like it is all one big muddle and the only thing I know for sure is family always comes first.