When a friendship ends... out of the blue

HELLO, 38! I definitely have to admit being in my late thirties now, don’t I? I’ll be honest, I have never been negative about getting older, it is a privilege to be in a position to bask in the passing of the years.

My birthday always makes me a bit reflective though. It gives me a chance to think about the year that has passed by and the things that have happened in that time.

There has been a big shift in friendship in the last 12 months. A friend who I was very close to, let me know at the end of 2022 that she no longer wanted contact with me. We had been firm friends for years and her decision came totally out of the blue for me. 

I was really knocked by her abrupt ending to an important element in my life.

Throughout my teenage years in particular, I began to understand that, as a disabled person and all the drama and need for access that is the reality of my life, there sometimes can be a limit to how much of that one person can take. It can get overwhelming and a few people have stepped back from friendship with me.

Nobody ever told me that my disability was the reason, but on reflection and as time passed it became obvious. A few people have even come back into my life as they got older and realised that everybody has complications in life and can see a bit more perspective.

I hope it doesn’t sound like hoards of people have moved in and out of my life, I am talking about five people or less in total. I really don’t think this most recent friendship breakup is related to my disability, but I probably will never really know the true cause unless we are lucky enough to reconnect again in the future.

Nobody knows what is really going on for someone and maybe now just isn’t the right time for us to be in each other’s pockets as we once would have been.

I am sad and lonely for the connection we did have and the wonderful laughs and fun times we shared. I also miss the entirety of the relationship I thought we had in that, I was completely myself with this person and I didn’t feel I needed to hide or sugar coat anything. It was a great friendship for many, many years and I will always be grateful for the time we had together.

I think I will always be hopeful that we will be friends again some day. Once I was asked for no contact though, I respected it. Something that has probably changed from when I was a teenager. I recognise that family life is full and complicated for everyone and there may be things at play that I know nothing about and that is OK.

I wish I knew what the reason is for the sudden change, but I cannot force that.

Sometimes people can only give so much of themselves to other people and I think one of the beautiful things about friendship is that each one finds it’s own equilibrium and way of operating which makes it unique and special.

Over the last few weeks I have been trying to mind my other friendships. I try to remind myself that nothing is guaranteed, so I need to relish the moments we have right here and now and take things as they come.

I am really lucky to have so many people around me and I am looking forward to the year ahead.