Why I was too nervous to catch a bus for 25 years

I TRAVELLED on the park and ride from Black Ash to the city this week. It was a trial to see could I make it to town a couple of times a week for work. It went very well.

The days leading up to it, I was really nervous and I couldn’t really put my finger on why. The day itself was dry and the morning went smoothly so I could get there without much stress. I parked and got my wheelchair out of the car and I got on the bus without any drama. Only then did I realise why I had been nervous.

When I was 13 years old, I decided to go on my first trip to town with two friends. I had been super excited about it. We got there and had a great day visiting the shops, having a lovely lunch and meeting friends. I remember sitting on coats and holding the shopping bags of others in my wheelchair as the day went on. When we went to get the bus home, we were at the top of the queue, there was nobody on the bus and I asked the driver if he could take me, he said the bus was too full and there were too many others waiting. I was taken aback and didn’t know what to say or do. I was young and naïve and didn’t know to stand up to him. His attitude was to ignore me and dismiss my friends.

If it was today, I would create such a ruckus, he wouldn’t be able to dismiss us, but I just didn’t have the language or experience to stick to my guns as a young teen, nor should I have needed to.

Eventually, another bus took us and we went all around the world to get home. I was upset and exhausted, but if I am honest, I didn’t really know to be angry about it. I didn’t have a sense of how wrong refusing entry to a bus was. Again, if it was today, I would be raging rather than upset.

Afterwards, I did write to Bus Eireann about it and they explained months later that the bus was full at the time. Today, I wouldn’t accept that answer, but I didn’t know what to do next so I left it lie.

When I reflect on that now, I realise that one experience that day stopped me getting a bus in Cork every day since. Attitudes to disabled people have happily moved on in a really big way.

That one experience, all those years ago, spurred me on to get involved in research and advocacy in disability. So, in 2023, when I was sitting on a bus for the first time on my own, it felt huge, I could feel a relief and gratitude for how easy it all went.

The drivers and support staff were so helpful and supportive and I felt safe and capable. Feeling capable is something I chase, it is my ultimate goal as a disabled person. I didnt consciously decide to avoid buses for nearly 25 years, it just kind of happened. I have used a car at every opportunity and relied on family and friends. Now, I once again have the option to be even more independent and it feels great, something so small as a bus trip had a big impact, and luckily it was a positive one!