Visiting a new mum? Here's some advice on when to go, what to bring and how long to stay...

MY sister had a baby last week, so I am finally an aunt. It is a most wonderful experience to be up close and personal with a pregnancy that is not your own, you are part of the journey and get to experience the anticipation and the joy of the birth of a healthy baby without any of the pain!

My other sister and I were discussing going to visit the youngest sister who is now a mother and it sparked debate about when would be the right time to visit to see the new baby. 

Obviously, we are all eager to meet the newest member of the family, but it was interesting to see how our two different personalities approached the situation. 

It made me think back to when I had my first baby and the things that stand out in mind as being either stressful (people making themselves comfortable and showing no signs to leave) or amazing (getting stuck in and helping with a few jobs).

You would think it goes without saying, but don’t invite yourself over, no matter how eager you are to visit – new mums and babies work on different schedules to everyone, day is night and night is day, so be sure to ask in advance when suits them for you to call. Let them know it’s fine if they want to cancel last minute as you never know how the previous night has gone and they may just need a day of chilling on the couch.

Babygros, art and baby toys are always wonderful gifts, but in those early days think about bringing a gift that will make their day a little bit easier. 

I always try and bring food. Dinners are a great idea, things like lasagne (high in iron, which is always a useful hit after childbirth), quiche, pasta bakes, stews, casseroles and fish pies are always useful because they can easily be frozen. Then, when needed, they can just put it into the oven and it is a complete meal, no prep or extra work required.

If you are bringing snacks, think about things like granola bars or brown bread, things that will go a long way to filling up a hungry tummy, because when you’re a new parent you can easily forget to eat and they need their energy!

You don’t even need to visit, you could always drop something at the door and text to say you have left the gift of grub outside.

If you get the go-ahead to visit, be sure to check and see if the new parents need anything from the shop when you are on your way. It could save one of the parents the hassle of popping out for something simple like milk, or the ordeal of bringing the baby out to run a few errands.

During your visit, be sure to wash your hands before you hold the baby – maybe it goes without saying in this post-Covid era but we all get excited at the sight of a newborn and if you wash your hands it may save the new parents the awkwardness of asking you.

If the new mum is breastfeeding, it might be worth letting the mum know that it’s OK to ask you to go if the baby needs a feed. 

It is so difficult in those early days of breastfeeding, and having someone sit there and watch you struggle can be hugely stressful.

Ask them if they need any jobs done around the house, especially if one of the parents is gone back to work. You may think one little baby isn’t going to cause chaos around the house but a newborn is all-consuming so it might be nice to ask if there is a dishwasher that needs emptying or some pots and pans washed and put away. There is always laundry to be hung out on the line or sorted, or ask do they want a snack prepared or the dinner put on. You could simply offer to make the tea or coffee for you both.

The best offer I ever had when someone came to visit was the gift of 15 minutes to go and have a shower. It is one of the most luxurious experiences when you have a small baby to have a shower in peace, not having to listen out for a cry or having them watching you from the bouncer. There is nothing like a shower to make you feel human again.

Or, you could offer to mind the baby if the parents want to go for a quick walk to get some fresh air and stretch their legs.

I know in those early days your home becomes a bubble you don’t escape from very often, and some days you need a gulp of fresh air to clear the mind.