Women experiencing domestic abuse try to 'hold everything together' over Christmas

Eva Osborne

Women experiencing domestic abuse try to "hold everything together" and cope over the Christmas period instead of reaching out for help, according to the chief executive of Women's Aid.

Sarah Benson said the domestic violence support service notices a "lull" on its helpline on the core days of Christmas - from Christmas Eve until St Stephen's Day - and then calls pick up again shortly after.

"What we find is we actually usually get kind of a lull on the helpline. Because women are simply coping through those times, they're trying to hold everything together.

"It's like taking a big a big deep breath and trying to hold it and hold everything together.

"And then what we will always see is in January, usually once the kids go back to school, the phones start really ringing and you have women kind of breathing out and sharing what they've had to do, what they have been through and sometimes at that point saying: 'Okay, now is maybe the time that I'd like to discuss what my options are because I can't take that again'."

Benson said Christmas can be an "incredibly challenging" time for victims of domestic abuse, as it creates a kind of "pressure cooker environment".

“You have everybody off work, children off school, high expectations, often financial pressures, often pressure with family visiting," she explained.

"It can be used as a time for, you know, economic and emotional abuse. Even where there's post-separation situations, you know where there's no money for Santa or there's a disruption just to kind of destroy the Christmas.

"It can be really acute period, but usually one where women will try and cope through it for the kids ,and obviously there isn't always children, but where there are children, that can really create an even more tense and pressured situations because they want Christmas to be good for the kids.

"But if you're in a home with somebody who is coercive, controlling, abusive, you can't control that, all you can try and do is manage."

Benson said the messaging around Christmas also does not help, as victims of domestic violence will see a stark contrast between what they see on the television and what they are going through.

"Everything is like: ‘Time of joy. Time of family, togetherness. Time of happiness, celebration. Time of generosity and giving.' And, you know, the way a domestic violence abuser is is the exact opposite of all those things," she said.

"Christmas can be a difficult time for many people, maybe people who don’t have family or who have mental health issues or other things, so [victims of domestic abuse] aren’t an exclusive cohort who can struggle at Christmas.

"But domestic violence really does paint such a contrasting picture to what is being depicted as the ideal, and it can really just further increase somebody’s sense of isolation and loneliness and they can feel that they are not living their lives the way other people are.”

According to Women’s Aid, one in four women experience domestic abuse in Ireland.

The organisation’s 24hr National Freephone Helpline will be open all day, every day during Christmas including the 25th and New Year’s Day.

If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this article, you can contact Women’s Aid (24-hour freephone helpline at 1800-341 900, email helpline@womensaid.ie) or Men’s Aid Ireland (confidential helpline at 01-554 3811, email hello@mensaid.ie) for support and information.

Safe Ireland also offers a number of local services and helplines at safeireland.ie/get-help/where-to-find-help/. In the case of an emergency, always dial 999/112.