Using anchoring as a tool to help overcome anxiety

Anxiety has become incredibly prevalent. So many people say they suffer from it, yet very few people really understand how it works, what causes it, or indeed how to change it.

One of the biggest misconceptions about anxiety is that it says something about your character. But it is actually a learned reflex. A conditioned response.

The foundations of this idea go back to the work of Russian physiologist Ivan Pavlov in the early 1900s.

Pavlov ran a series of experiments where he would ring a bell and then feed a dog. Bell, then food. Bell, then food. After repeating this enough times, the dogs began to salivate at the sound of the bell, even when no food appeared. The bell had become a trigger. The brain had learned the association.

Scientists later showed that this kind of learning works in humans too.

The brain links emotions to triggers. Anxiety and phobia are often used interchangeably, but the key differences are important.

Phobias tend to be tied to a very specific trigger. The time you were chased by a dog. The turbulent flight that frightened you. The moment you were forced to get up and speak in class and everyone laughed.

The brain links one thing to one fear response.

Anxiety, however, is often more of a prolonged sense of unease.

It can come from growing up with anxious parents, moving around a lot, being bullied at school, or going through a prolonged period of stress at work.

Rather than one very clear moment, it’s often a longer period of not feeling safe, or supported, or in control.

And what then happens in the brain is that instead of flying = fear, or dogs = fear, the mind starts to generalise. Anything out of your comfort zone, anything slightly uncertain, anything that feels even vaguely unpredictable can begin to trigger that same emotional response.

Your subconscious, your emotional mind, your amygdala starts linking potential danger to it.

So, in some ways anxiety can be even more frustrating than a phobia, because the person often struggles to place exactly what they are fearful of in the moment.

It just feels as though the world is more unsafe or out of control than it really is.

The good news is that we are not only conditioned negatively. We can also be conditioned positively. You catch the smell of a certain perfume and suddenly you are back in a moment where you felt safe, loved and completely at ease.

So while we can be anchored positively or negatively, most of the time these associations happen without us even being aware of them.

The exciting part is that we can also create our own positive conditioning deliberately. And that is where anchoring comes in.

What you do

Think of a time when you felt very relaxed. Maybe you were sitting on a beach, maybe you were in nature, or maybe it was just that lovely moment before you went to sleep.

Go fully to that time. See what you saw. Hear what you heard. Feel what you felt. Turn up the volume on it a little. Double it. Really let yourself step into that sense of calmness and ease.

Then, at the peak of that feeling, squeeze your thumb and forefinger together. Hold that for as long as you can stay in that feeling. The second the feeling begins to fade, let go.

Now do it again. This time think of a time when you felt very loving or connected. Maybe looking into the eyes of someone you love. Maybe watching your children play. Maybe holding a pet. Maybe being with family or friends.

Go fully into that moment. See what you saw. Hear what you heard. Feel what you felt. And at the peak of that experience, squeeze your thumb and forefinger together again in exactly the same way.

Then do it with another emotion. Think of a time you couldn’t stop laughing. Really go there. Feel it properly. Build it up. At the peak, squeeze your fingers together.

Then perhaps think of a time when you felt very confident or very safe. Again, step into it fully and at the peak, squeeze your fingers together.

You can do this with as many positive emotions as you want. Now test it.

Clear your mind for a moment. Then squeeze your fingers together in exactly the same way, with the same pressure.

Done right, just like Pavlov’s bell, it should start sending you back to those positive emotions.

Then, in future, whenever you start to feel anxious, use it immediately. Don’t wait for the feeling to build. The second you notice it rising, squeeze your fingers together in exactly the same way and fire off that motion.

If the anchor is strong enough, it should take out or at least neutralise much of the emotional charge before it snowballs. And from there you can keep building it.

Whenever you have five minutes, you can repeat the process and strengthen the anchor.

Even better, whenever you are genuinely in a moment of love, calm, confidence or happiness, squeeze your fingers together and anchor that real feeling in.

Over time, it becomes like carrying a button for calmness, confidence and happiness with you. And whenever unhelpful emotions or thoughts begin to show up, you can press that button.