Festive for some... but not everyone

Ah, Christmas - the season of sparkly lights, cheery decorations, and festive music floating through the air. It’s a time filled with colour and warmth that brightens the long winter nights. For many, this time of year is truly magical.

But not everyone feels that holiday cheer. For some, all the glitz and joy of Christmas can be a stark contrast to their internal experience, amplifying feelings of loneliness, grief, or struggle. While some people enjoy a love-hate relationship with this festive season, others may simply find it painful.

Consider those who might find Christmas especially difficult: the elderly or isolated, people in abusive situations, those grieving the loss of loved ones, individuals estranged from family, those recovering from eating disorders or addiction, those struggling financially, and those already dealing with mental health challenges.

The very things that make Christmas festive for some—togetherness, indulgence, and tradition—can serve as painful reminders for others.

The pressures of the season

For all the above-mentioned people, the Christmas holidays tend to amplify already existing struggles. For those who are lonely or grieving, the pressure to feel connected and joyful can highlight feelings of isolation.

For those facing financial hardship, the cultural pressure to buy, give, and keep up with others can be stressful and overwhelming. For those with an eating disorder, all the focus on food can be incredibly triggering. And for those in abusive situations, the additional pressure can exacerbate the situation.

So, if you are someone who finds this season difficult, remember that you’re not alone. Millions of others feel similarly, and you’re allowed to approach the holidays in whatever way feels best for you.

If you’re dealing with loneliness and isolation, consider reaching out to people who care about you. It might feel difficult, but friends and loved ones often want to help, especially around the holidays. Many charities also need extra volunteers at this time of year, which can help create a sense of connection and purpose.

For those grieving a loss, the holidays can intensify feelings of absence. It’s okay to bow out of the festivities if you need space to process your emotions. Know that whatever you’re feeling is normal and valid. Consider reaching out to someone you trust, or if you’re ready, you could create a new tradition to honour your loved one. This might be as simple as including a dish they loved or lighting a candle in their memory.

Christmas can be particularly stressful for those struggling financially. If finances are tight, remember that you don’t have to splurge. Gifts don’t need to be expensive to be meaningful; they can be thoughtful, homemade, or even symbolic. Choosing to focus on shared experiences rather than material things can help ease the financial strain. It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparison, so turn off your phone, and stop comparing your life to others. Create your own version of Christmas based on your values and resources, not someone else’s social media highlight reel.

Self-care and boundaries

Even for those who typically enjoy the holidays, this time can bring added stress and pressure to meet expectations. Being around extended family, attending multiple events, and balancing social obligations can be exhausting.

It’s okay to set boundaries; you don’t have to say yes to every invitation. Take breaks, plan downtime, and don’t feel guilty about needing space. If gatherings feel overwhelming, consider giving yourself an “exit plan.” You’re allowed to care for yourself, and you don’t owe anyone more than you can comfortably give.

Whether you find the holidays especially difficult or have mixed feelings, self-care can make a big difference. Consider limiting screen time to avoid the “perfect Christmas” comparisons that social media promotes. Remember that others’ photos only capture the best moments, not the complexities or stresses behind the scenes.

If self-care for you means embracing a bit of indulgence, let go of the guilt. Enjoying the season and treating yourself doesn’t need to come with shame. If self-care means taking a step back, that’s equally valid. The key is to prioritise what genuinely feels right for you.

Ultimately, there’s no single way to “do” Christmas. Give yourself permission to approach the season in a way that honours your own needs, values, and boundaries. If you don’t want to attend every party, buy into every tradition, or even celebrate at all, that’s perfectly okay. Christmas can be a time for rest, reflection, and reconnection with yourself, free from external pressures.

And if you’re someone who finds joy in Christmas, by all means, celebrate to your heart’s content - wear that holiday sweater, sing those carols, and spread that cheer! But it’s worth remembering that not everyone has the same experience, and for many, the season brings unique challenges. Small gestures of kindness and understanding can make a big difference for those who are struggling.

Mirin Mooney is a certified mental health coach, for more information visit www.wildheart-wellness.com.