Beware Meghan, only men get away with ‘crime’ of ambition
IN THE SPOTLIGHT: The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry
Kate, who dresses smartly and quite conservatively, never gets embroiled in spats or feeds the media with ammunition to take her down.
One of her recent unfiltered moments was trying to control Prince Louis at a jubilee pageant outside of Buckingham Palace as the four-year-old pulled faces and generally gave vent to his boredom. While some cranks on social media questioned Kate’s parenting style, for most people, the antics of Louis were a source of amusement - and a reminder that the royals are only human.
She has been photographed in ripped jeans trying to look down with the kids. (Ripped jeans are often the uniform of celebs trying to look edgy, but the look is dated and by now quite conservative.)
Meghan gets appalling press, some of it deserved. She recently said in her second podcast that she never knew what it meant to be a black woman until she started dating Prince Harry. That sounds a bit tone deaf, a kick in the teeth to black women and mixed race women like herself who have to deal with insensitive comments and attitudes in their day-to-day lives.
And that’s a crime, even today, when women shouldn’t have to hide their plans for world domination - or just crashing through the glass ceiling.
In her first podcast, released on Spotify last month, Meghan’s chat with retired tennis player Serena Williams was titled ‘The Misconception of Ambition’. Meghan revealed that she was criticised for her ambition when she embarked on her relationship with Prince Harry, saying it was seen as a ‘terrible, terrible thing’. She went on to say that she always thought of ambition as a positive trait as a child before learning about the labels and conventions that seek to keep women in their place.
We’ve heard a lot about toxic masculinity, which encourages violence and domination to uphold the inequitable power dynamic that men have enjoyed since they dragged their women into the cave.
No point in screaming at our subjugation, us women were expected to be quiet, nurturing, submissive and attractive. You would think society would have moved on. And yes, it has in many ways.
In this country, we’ve had two female presidents. But when a friend said she didn’t like Mary McAleese because she’s “a power-monger”, I baulked. Lots of men are power mongers and it is never held against them, I pointed out.
But internalised misogyny on the part of many women is a reality that centuries of oppression have caused. I’m guilty of it.
When Harry and Meghan married, I think I wrote that it was a career move on her part and that the marriage wouldn’t last. Talk about denying the romance at the heart of the union!
The jury is out, but it is unhelpful to fall back on such prejudices and narrow judgement of a woman in the public eye.
That Meghan may have an agenda is somehow seen as reprehensible. Yet focused men, with a life plan, wear their agendas on their pinstriped suit arms.
Toxic femininity is no joke. It’s actually quite dangerous as it seeks to subjugate women, making out that silenced women are natural and essential for social approval.
The pressure to be quiet, nurturing and submissive can result in women becoming victims of abuse or staying in unsafe situations because of feeling duty-bound to do so. This is about women in the home.
In the workplace, toxic femininity can create a hostile environment. It’s bad for mental health and it often means women fail to reach leadership roles. That’s bad for diversity - and for women’s sense of self.
Us women should examine what misogynistic ideology we’ve been inculcated with. Are we doing things for ourselves or for the male gaze? Are we making decisions based on what we want or are we seeking male approval?
We ought to attempt uncomfortable conversations with others, to explore whether what is being said and done contributes to the upholding of patriarchal power dynamics.
We should go easy on Meghan Markle for her ‘crime’ of ambition.
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