Hidden talents, special skills and what we learn from Cork GAA programmes

Dear programme editors, a humble request for 2025. Let’s ensure that player profiles remain a staple of the pre-match routine.

Cork is a stronghold for these features, although they were lost from provincial programmes this year.

They are eternally hit and miss, some drab, some too in-jokey, but there are sufficient laughs and trivial curiosities to earn their keep.

Where else would you discover that Daniel O’Mahony began kicking a football across the Kerry border with Gneeveguilla, Chris Óg Jones grew up supporting Tyrone, and Jack Leahy once played in Croke Park for Waterford?

Other sporting successes, from the prestigious to the obscure, are a common thread.

Brian Hayes proclaimed himself a former AC Milan trialist and Cork U20 footballer Timmy Cullinane won an “international soccer tournament”.

There are All-Ireland medallists in sports as varied as rugby (recent Cork U20 captain Jacob O’Driscoll), boxing (James O’Leary, Sarsfields), badminton (Colm O’Shea, Kilshannig), shot put (Cork U20 hurler Ben Walsh), and pitch and toss (Brian Sheehan, Kilworth).

Limerick defender Gordon Brown, before facing Cork, claimed the difficult-to-fact-check double as “All-Ireland Draughts champion 2008 and Cutest Baby in Ireland 1998”.

Other answers to the “one thing you may not know about me” are more self-deprecating.

Daniel O’Mahony offered: “Last year, I scored more points for other counties than I did for Cork.” 

TIGHT GRIP

Ciarán Joyce revealed his preference for using three grips on his hurleys, while Cork U20 captain Darragh O’Sullivan favours tennis grips.

Some set the record straight. There was Cillian Myers-Murray of St Finbarr’s saying: “I’m NOT injured all the time”, and Kanturk’s Grantas Bucinskas insisting: “I have a right leg!” One prominent Nemo Rangers defender reminded journalists: “It’s Bríain not Brian” Murphy.

Then there’s the classic question: If you won the lotto, what would be the first thing you would buy?

Contrary to his earlier answer, Myers-Murray wished for “new legs”.

Niall O’Leary’s reply has changed over time from “more land” to racehorse Constitution Hill, presumably to make use of the extra acreage.

There were some topical answers too. Muskerry goalkeeper Joe Creedon requested “a flood defence scheme for the River Lee in Inchigeelagh”, while Boherbue’s Gerry O’Sullivan chose “Jackie Lennox’s”.

When David Griffin’s travel plans were disrupted owing to Carrigaline’s dual odyssey, he responded to the question where do you hope to be in 10 years’ time? “After making it to Australia.” 

The “most important skill” section is normally more routine but Séamus Harnedy perhaps reflected some Waterford influence seeping across the Eastern border with “first touch and a good quality fist pump”.

There were a couple of unusual choices for the sporting event you’d most like to attend. 

Steven Sherlock opted for soccer’s new world with “Al-Nassr vs Al-Ettifaq”. Conor Horgan looked to India for a “Pro Kabaddi final”. Daniel O’Mahony picked “Calcio Storico Fiorentino”, which appears to cross Serie A and Gladiator.

REF JUSTICE

A welcome addition to Munster programmes in 2023 were referee interviews, particularly the question: What is your funniest moment since taking up the whistle?

Chris Maguire (Clare): “Throwing the referee book in by mistake instead of the sliotar.” It emerged as an unexpectedly common blunder when Tipperary whistler Seán Lonergan gave the same admission.

Ciarán O’Regan (Cork): “Went viral in 2012 for slipping at the post during the All-Ireland U21 semi-final with no thanks to TG4 who showed the replay three times in slow-mo!” He added: “Recently during a match, my whistle came off the lanyard! There was a good 10 mins without any frees or whistle till I got to HT when I had to try wolf whistle!! I got away with it though.” 

Conor Doyle (Tipperary): “While refereeing a juvenile game one day, I witnessed the full-back of one of the teams win the ball and deliberately score an own goal. 

It turned out he wanted to prove a point to his manager that he would be much better off as a forward!” 

Niall Quinn (Clare): “Jogging backwards after giving a player a card and falling over a player while he was down injured… Needless to say, the player I carded got great enjoyment out of it.” 

FAVOURITE

But our favourite player profile came from Fergus Collins of Bride Rovers in 2019.

“When and where did you first play hurling: In a garden, October 13, 1993.

“What skill do you think is the most important in hurling: The ability to hit a relatively small leather-bound ball with a stick, typically of length 30-34 inches.

“Person you would most like to meet: The guy who scratched my car in the Tesco Express car park in Dennehy’s Cross, May 16, 2012, and didn’t leave his insurance details.

“In 10 years’ time, I hope to be: Suitably reimbursed for a scratch in my car that occurred May 16, 2012, in the Tesco Express car park, Dennehy’s Cross.”