Jail for man who put wife in state of constant fear and anxiety

A 50-year-old Kerry man who exercised “relentless and torturous” coercive control over his wife who lived in a constant state of fear and anxiety and is still traumatised from the experience was jailed for one year today.

Ms Justice Siobhán Lankford said that the charge related to a period from January 2019, when the offence of coercive control became law, and September 2020, when the victim left her husband. 

However, the judge noted that the evidence at the sentencing hearing covered behaviour in the 20 years before 2019.

“It was important that evidence was given in explanation of the pattern of behaviour and the way she felt during the offences from January 2019 to September 2020. She was living in a very unpleasant and abusive relationship, being verbally and physically abused. He created an atmosphere which caused her to live in fear… She felt she could not do anything right,” 

the judge said.

Coercive control carries a maximum sentence of five years. Ms Justice Lankford said this case came in the mid-range with a headline sentence of two-and-a-half years. That was reduced to 18 months because of his plea of guilty and other mitigating circumstances. The last six months were suspended on conditions.

Those conditions included that he consents to notification by the probation service of any new intimate partner of his conviction for coercive control.

The judge added this condition when the injured party indicated through Mahon Corkery, prosecution barrister, that she wanted her ex-husband’s name to be published “for the protection of others in the future.” 

Ms Justice Lankford had concerns that naming him could identify children who had rights of anonymity so she addressed the issue in terms of notifying any person with whom the defendant would have an intimate relationship in the future.

Other conditions over the suspension of the last six months of the 18-month sentence require the 50-year-old man to undertake an intimate partner violence programme assessment, address his offending behaviour with the probation service and address victim empathy deficits.

The injured party, who is several years younger than the accused, said: “Every part of everyday revolved around his mood. Even if he was 200 miles away he still would have the ability to instil fear in me. 

"I would give into his demands just to have peace in the house.” 

In his engagement with the probation service originally, he considered himself the victim and felt that he was being blamed for everything and that all of it was being put on him.

Defence senior counsel Brendan Grehan said of the defendant’s attitude now: “He wants to apologise to her for his behaviour in the past and he wishes her well in the future… He holds traditional values around the role of women – he is going to have to come in to present times.” 

The injured party said today: “The constant critical and demeaning running commentary in everything I did or said, the name calling never stopped, it was constantly chipping away at my confidence, my individuality, my ability to think for myself. 

"If I asked could I go somewhere, I'd know by the look he would give that he didn't approve and I wouldn't ask again. If I was allowed to go somewhere it came with conditions. He controlled who I could be friends with, tried to turn me against my family.

“He told me everyone was using me but it was him that was using me, I couldn't speak my own mind. I was trained into being compliant from the start. 

"I was living in a constant state of anxiety, when coming up to something like a family day out, holiday or family occasion I would be in dread, everyone would be walking on eggshells.

"I was terrified if someone stepped out of line in his eyes, of the punishment that would ensue because if he wasn't happy nobody could be happy.

“I was exhausted from trying to please. The more I did, the more that was expected, no matter what I did it was never enough. The goalpost kept moving.

“On the rare occasion I tried to stand up for myself or my children, I would be bracing myself for the repercussions.

“Every degrading text message I received I can remember where I was when I received it and I can still feel now how I felt when I read it. When I hear the word (she spelled out c**t). I can still hear his voice hissing that word at me. I freeze and my neck stiffens at the memory of it.

“I was drip-fed moments of happiness but as time went on they became less and less frequent. 

"He would crush these moments and let me know that my happiness was under his control. 

"I was stuck in a vicious pattern of control. I started to realise all his actions were premeditated. I became a shell of myself.

“I have finally accepted that I will have to live with the effects of trauma for the rest of my life, there will always be constant triggers. I have found coping methods and I am navigating through the effects of trauma.” 

The victim, who is in her mid-40s, thanked her children, family, friends and employers for their support and Detective Garda Raleen Bell for her tireless dedication.