Educating children about consent should be done from playschool, says founder of Sexual Violence Centre Cork

The founder of the Sexual Violence Centre Cork has highlighted the importance of sexual education at a young age to help prevent child sexual abuse.

It comes as a recently published research report by One in Four looks at the barriers that have prevented effective action against child sexual abuse in Ireland.

It found that 91% of people believe Irish society has failed to address the issue.

The principal recommendation from the report is the provision of universal education in understanding healthy boundaries and the root causes of child sexual abuse.

The founder and chief executive of the Sexual Violence Centre Cork, Mary Crilly, agreed that education was important, adding: “Educating children about consent should be done from playschool, starting with why you shouldn’t take something from someone else.

“It’s about both teaching girls and boys that they don’t have to accept a kiss from their grandfather if they don’t like his scratchy face.

“If we start at that age, they know they are always entitled to say no.

“But instead, very often we tell them not to be bold, or not to be awkward.

“If girls and boys knew at an early age that there are things people aren’t allowed to touch, whether it’s family or someone in school or sporting clubs — because abusers go places they know they will have access to children — it would make a huge difference.

“We also need to look at who is doing the abusing, and why as a society we’re still as bad as we were years ago. It’s something nobody wants to look at, and I don’t blame them, but it is still happening.”

Ms Crilly explained that this reluctance to discuss sexual abuse discourages children from speaking up when they have been abused.

“Some people straight away cut ties with an abuser, even if it’s a family member, but others question the victim left, right, and centre,” she said. “They don’t want to believe it, which is understandable, but in my 40 years working with victims, I’ve never met someone who’s lied about this.”

She added that the problem is particularly difficult when the abuser is a family member.

“People think they can spot a perpetrator, but they can’t,” she said.

“We don’t know what an abuser looks like because they look like everyone else, they can often be particularly charming. Families find it hard to look at the issue straight on and accept that their son is an abuser, some can gloss over it, or say they didn’t understand.

“But boys of 13, 14, they do understand — and the majority of boys don’t do this,” she said, explaining that a programme that works with young abusers is essential.

“If you worked with young offenders, you might be able to change their behaviour, because if they get to their 20s it can become a way of life,” Ms Crilly said.

“This is happening everywhere, and we’re no different — but we can be different, we can make changes, such as education, but also support for victims and families.”

More than a dozen focus groups made up of citizens aged from 18 to 80 years from Cork, Dublin, and Mullingar were interviewed for the One in Four report titled Irish Attitudes to Tackling Child Sexual Abuse.

The authors also conducted in-depth interviews with experts in the topic from organisations including University College Cork.