Cork-based 'death midwife' highlights increase in demand for services 

A CORK-BASED death doula has opened up about how people are contacting her to plan their own funerals in a bid to face their own crippling mortality issues.

Stefanie Blech, who lives in Youghal, was speaking about the surge in demand for death doulas locally. Often referred to as death midwives, death doulas provide emotional and physical support for those tackling devastating end of life transitions. It comes amid the rapid growth of death cafes across the country, which offer a space for people to meet and discuss death over coffee and cake.

Stefanie, who previously worked as a social worker specialising in palliative care, recently enjoyed an impressive turn out at a death café she hosted in Myo Cafe on Pope’s Quay. The German native has received all manner of calls from people in Cork asking about her services.

One request came from a woman who planned a “living wake” to confront her mortality fears despite being fit and healthy.

Stefanie described how the woman wrapped herself in a shroud, experiencing the event from the point of view of the deceased.

“The woman had just experienced her own mother’s passing,” Stefanie said. “After seeing her funeral, she knew she wanted to do things differently. She wanted to experience how it would feel for her so decided to have a kind of living wake. Obviously, she knew she wouldn’t be able to have it anywhere else but her home.

“It was a celebration of her life even though she hadn’t yet died. 

"She only invited the people who were very close to her. I’m sure they thought it was very strange, but they came along anyway as they knew it was important to her. She wanted to gather a sense of what elements were important to her so she could have the type of ceremony she wanted for when the time came. It was a very beautiful even if it was very quirky.”

Stefanie said that death is still very much a taboo in Irish culture.

“I think there is a lot of silence around exploring the deeper elements of the topic, and being comfortable talking about death.

“Speaking about death can be difficult for some,” she says. “It may be something they have never given a lot of space to. Often grief is never processed which makes going into this conversation about death and mortality painful.”

Speaking about the role of death doulas, Stefanie said: “It is a very deep and heartfelt experience. The beauty is being together with that person and gaining an understanding of their belief system and how they approach death.

"I’ve spoken to different people about their reasons for becoming death doulas," she added. 

"Some are doing the work because they supported a loved one dying and want to do the same for other people. 

"Others never experienced anyone close to them dying and just had a calling.” 

According to Stefanie, support is vital for anyone considering the career path.

“Of course, in every kind of caring and interactive role we do that aspect of boundary or self-care is very important. While it does emotionally move you and you form a connection with the person who is dying, having clear boundaries is very important. You can’t be everything for that person so this is where the community network comes in. You have to reach out to other people and professionals to fill in the support structure that is needed.”