Summer Soap (Episode 9): A day out, and a Yank kisses Blarney Stone

The weekend came with a slight but persistent drizzle. Hardly ideal, but after the heavy rain that wrecked her poor umbrella, Natalie was content to count her blessings.

Now that she had a properly waterproofed coat, she didn’t even mind sitting outside at Duke’s Coffee Company for breakfast with Serena and James before heading to the bus stop. Natalie’s only regret was how little of the countryside she could see through the foggy window, even if she was excited to sit on the upper floor of a double decker bus for the first time.

James was Cork born and raised, and so they followed him around without question as he led them from the Blarney church stop to the entrance of the Castle and Gardens. While it didn’t take her breath away quite like the Quad at UCC, Natalie was chomping at the bit to explore the castle ruins the moment she saw them.

The grey sky beyond it gave the castle remnants a haunting atmosphere that she delighted in, especially after learning about the Poison Garden.

America was a young country, and most of the historical sites she was used to visiting were much more complete recreations of what they would have been in their time. She’d seen abandoned houses and crumbling stone hearths without a home, but the great skeleton of Blarney Castle shadowed large over them all. Natalie pulled Serena and James up the stairs after her, moving faster than was likely wise on rain-soaked gravel.

“I’ve never seen stone worn so smooth,” Serena noted, ducking into the corner room the signage claimed was the Lord’s room in centuries past. It seemed rather cramped to Natalie, but she decided the sign likely knew better.

As imposing as the castle was from the outside, squeezing through narrow hallways and shorter doorways were about as far from Natalie’s expectations as she could have imagined. Her attention was torn between wanting to stay and look around and taking enough pictures for her family. She knew her brother would love the Murder Hole, and wanted a photo of every sign she found.

The castle’s centre, made hollow with time and decay, was a stunning contrast to the winding corridors and the slivers of light through miniscule windows. It was a ridiculous thought, but Natalie had to wonder what it would have felt like to the denizens of the castle as they went about their busy days. Would stepping into the larger rooms have been a relief, if only for the natural light that streamed through the wider windows? Maybe things were cozier in the past, where people lived by firelight rather than fluorescents.

Behind her, Serena stopped to take in the ruins. “Are you going to kiss the Blarney Stone?”

Natalie shrugged, “I haven’t decided yet.”

Serena shuddered. 

You couldn’t pay me to. Who wants to put their lips on a rock the whole world’s licked?

She had a point there.

Still, since Natalie had come all the way to Ireland, it seemed the thing to do. Wasn’t college the time for new, and perhaps stupid, experiences anyway?

“What about you?” Natalie turned to James, “Have you kissed the stone?” He shrugged.

Course I have, when I was kid I looked forward to it, though my ma’d say I had enough gab for the whole city, gift or no gift.

“I can’t believe you did that willingly,” Serena said, brow raised in disbelief. James shrugged.

“It was more fun as a kid. I liked the part where they hoist you to the stone.”

Natalie was convinced. If James was fond enough of it to do it several times, she could stand to do it once. By then, they’d made it to the top of the castle, and Natalie couldn’t help but be taken by the view. She snapped a few photos of all three of them before James decided to skip the line and head down without them, promising to meet them in the Poison Garden. Serena opted to stay in line just so she could enjoy the scenery longer and take a few more pictures.

As she let him pass, Natalie finally looked down at the floor beneath them and nearly had a heart attack. Only a metre away from where she stood was a hole in the floor, several of them, in fact. Likely a part of the castle’s defences, there was a row of rectangle gaps that led to nothing but the ground. Someone died here at some point, Natalie was sure of it. Some poor medieval peasant slipped through the hole and fell to their death. Worse still, now that she was looking, there was no hoisting to speak of, or lifting of any kind for that matter. To Natalie’s horror, guests would sit right at the edge of one of the death gaps.

“Oh, sweet Lord,” she whispered, Serena patted her on the shoulder.

“Good luck,” she called before walking ahead, bypassing the two workers that held the hanging visitors’ lives in their hands. Natalie took several deep breaths that in hindsight were just her hyperventilating as she sat down, but the wind blowing as harsh as it was meant that no -ne noticed. The rain was doing her no favours as she lay there, shoulders bending over the wind that she swore was trying to kill her by dragging her down through the hole to her early demise.

Natalie didn’t die, but the second she saw James again she whacked him on the arm.

“James, you lied to me!”

“What are you on about?” he had the gall to look offended.

You didn’t tell me I’d dangle halfway to my death!

James apologised several times after that, but Natalie wasn’t satisfied until he’d bought her lunch as penance for his deceit. And dessert.

Missed previous episodes of our Summer Soap? You can begin it here.