I hit rock bottom... then I gave up alcohol

“THE writing is on the wall.”

Those words, spoken by a GP, were a wake-up call to a 34-year-old Cork man, whose health had suffered greatly from his addiction to alcohol.

That day, while he was in CUH looking at the pain etched on the face of his distraught mother, he decided to change everything and reclaim his life.

Born and reared in County Cork to a large family, the man is telling me his story on condition of anonymity.

Alcoholism had taken its toll among some of his family members in the past, including his father, who had endured life-long issues with alcohol and died by suicide.

“I was in the pub at 14,” he says. “Anywhere I could find someone to buy me a drink, I was there. I was still going to school, but at weekends all I wanted was to be in the pub with the older men at the bar, drinking whatever I could get my hands on.

As I got older, I would spend every minute of the weekend in the pub. It was all I talked about, the only place I wanted to be.

“Life circled around drink, there were many of us the same. We became known as the Monday Club. Fellas that would be in an early house at 8am and would stay there until the money ran out.”

Did he have rent or other bills to pay?

“Every penny went on drink. So, I’d often end up back at home looking for somewhere to stay as I was always broke. I never spent money on food or clothes or holidays, everything went over the pub counter.”

He wasn’t aggressive with alcohol, “but I would fall out with people constantly. I was always forgetting what I had done, waking up in strange places with no recollection of the night before.

Wherever I was, I drank. I travelled a fair bit and getting to a pub was always my first port of call. I’d keep drinking until I was broke again.

“I’d go to the pub early in the morning and order a brandy and port and a pint. When I was drunk, I’d go and sleep it off, and be back in the pub again. I could be drunk three times a day.”

He says he was 18 or 19 when he realised he had a problem.

“I knew there was something wrong, but I didn’t want to admit it. I didn’t want to lose alcohol from my life. I defended alcohol to the very last.

“I’d sit in the pub and defend my actions by reminding myself that I’m an alcoholic, so it wasn’t really my fault. I didn’t have a choice, I told myself.

“I was angry at my dad for taking his own life. It meant I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do that to my mum, two deaths would be too much, he’d taken that option from me.”

Take me back to that day with the doctor.

“I was in bits that morning, my stomach hurt, my head hurt. So, I went to an early house at 8am and ordered a pint to see if it would ease my stomach. I couldn’t drink it. My stomach was in bits. I left the pub. I was in agony.

“I rang my mum to come and get me and take me out of town. By the time she arrived she took me straight to the doctors. I had a seizure.

They had to give me oxygen before giving me morphine. I was taken to CUH. I had ruptured the lining in my stomach. All I wanted to do was stay in hospital. I was safe there.

He was finally admitting to himself that he had a serious problem, and the doctor’s warning confirmed it. He decided to go to Alcoholics Anonymous.

“It was the last chance for me. I was leaving Tabor Lodge one day and it just dawned on me that I wanted to have a life without alcohol. I wanted to be free of this demon.

“It was the moment that reminded me that there is more to life, and I wanted a part of it.”

Can he go to a pub now or be in social situations where there is alcohol being served?

“I can. But I’ll bring my own transport so that if I feel uncomfortable, I can just go.

“Other times I’m happy to be at an occasion all night, and other people drinking wouldn’t bother me at all.

“A lot of it depends on how I’m feeling at the time.

“The most important thing for me is to be able to leave if I need to. “

Taking alcohol out of his life freed up a lot of time. How does he fill it?

“I moved around Ireland for work for a while, but I wasn’t happy. I wanted to come home, so I did.

I started to travel. I’ve gone on amazing trips and seen things that I wouldn’t have seen if I was still on the drink. I eat good food now, whereas before I didn’t eat at all.

Many people find God or religion while in recovery, did he?

I didn’t find God, and I’m not sure what my higher power is, although I definitely have help from somewhere. It might be nature.”

He admits he had to leave a lot of his friends from his old life behind

“Some, like me, found a way out and it’s good to see these people getting on with life.

“It’s also hard to see some of them still going from drink to drink. You have to keep your distance in case you get drawn back in.”

Would it be that easy to fall back into the trap?

“Definitely. I know that even one drink and I wouldn’t stop. But the thought of losing everything I have now is a good deterrent. You have to work on your sobriety.”

He has his mother to thank for helping give him the strength to recover.

She’s amazing. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for her. I watch her now enjoying her life. My mam is the best.

Is he aware he could be an inspiration to others, that telling his story to me might encourage and empower others?

“If it helps one person, I’m a happy man!”