Rose Escort speaks out about anxiety disorder

THE O’Regan family home, Sunnyrock, clings to a grassy hillside with beautiful vistas overlooking Rosscarbery Bay. The two dogs, Boxers, Oscar and Lily, welcome me with enthusiasm, as does the lady of the house, Sheila O’Regan.

“You are most welcome,” she says, arranging freshly baked luscious Queen Cakes to go with a cuppa.

The walls in the kitchen are adorned with pictures of Sheila and John’s family, Sinéad, Claire and Sean.

Like his older sisters, Sean is a high achiever, a qualified primary school teacher; he was part of the winning All-Ireland Scór Sinsir Ballad group earlier this year, and participated in the Fleadh Cheoil on many occasions over the years.

“I love listening to and playing music,” says Sean.

Sport figures big in his life too.

“Growing up, I played a lot of gaelic football at underage levels with my local club, Carbery Rangers. Whilst playing gaelic football at underage levels, I also represented Carbery division and Cork County.”

The 24-year-old has another string to his bow. Sean landed the gig of a lifetime when he was chosen as one of this year’s Rose of Tralee Escorts.

“I am really looking forward to being a Rose of Tralee Escort at this year’s International Rose of Tralee Festival. It has given me a new lease of life,” says Sean.

He has struggled with mental health issues for a number of years now.

“That might come as a bit of a shock to people that know me,” says Sean. “It has been really difficult to open up fully. I was very sociable growing up, and from the outside, everything appeared fine. I was always involved in a lot of activities while growing up; football, basketball, music, singing. I was an all-rounder, and I threw my hand at a lot of things.”

But the talented young man wasn’t feeling 100%. “It took me a long time to fully open up about my difficulties,” admits Sean.

“I was afraid people would think differently of me if I told them what difficulties I was really having, or if I told them I wasn’t feeling that great inside.”

From the outside, everything seemed fine.

“And to tell the truth, I really didn’t understand what was going on with me,” says Sean.

“I didn’t understand my mental health struggles. I didn’t know why I wasn’t feeling that good inside.”

The best days of Sean’s life were marred.

“In truth, I was really struggling throughout secondary school and university,” he says.

He put on a brave face.

“I became very good at masking my anxiety and depression.

“I have had OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) since being a young teenager.”

The condition can be difficult to talk about.

“It is difficult to talk about OCD, because it is not something that is talked about openly,” admits Sean.

“And to be honest, it is often something that is misunderstood. For example, OCD is often portrayed when somebody likes to have their possessions nice and neat and tidy. There is so much more to it than that.”

OCD is a menace that can over-shadow people’s lives.

“It is like a big bully that can make you feel very worried, upset and extremely uneasy,” says Sean.

“My OCD manifests itself around perfectionism and self-doubt, which leads to behaviours like repeated checking, undertaking everyday tasks in a very long, detailed, and precise way, or performing tasks a specific number of times.”

It is draining.

“This is exhausting and quite overwhelming. In truth, a lot of people have little routines and rituals. But this does not mean they have OCD. Living with OCD can cause emotional turmoil, and it leads to long episodes of over-thinking and over-analysing.”

Sean’s mental health issues escalated.

“I also have Generalised Anxiety Disorder, (GAD),” he adds.

“It is important to note that everybody has anxiety; but when you have General Anxiety Disorder, you worry excessively, and it really inhibits your daily life.

“Having GAD is like being on a hamster wheel of worry,” explains Sean. “Constantly worrying about things that happened in the past, or things that might happen in the future. It leads to excessive periods of rumination and over-thinking, which is very taxing and tiring.

“When you have an anxiety disorder; you are never in the present moment. You are worrying about something like, ‘what if this happens...’ or ‘what if that happens’.”

Life is affected hugely by both OCD and by GAD.

“Having OCD and GAD can cause emotional turmoil, and they can have a really negative impact on your life,” says Sean.

“Including your job, school, college, family relationships, etc.”

The stress of the conditions was relentless, wreaking havoc on Sean’s life.

“Over the years, my OCD and GAD were getting worse and worse,” he says.

“My OCD and my worry had a huge grip on my life as I progressed towards my early twenties. My anxiety had shattered my self-esteem and self-belief. I felt very depressed as a result. Anxiety and depression go hand-in-hand, and they were having a staggering effect on my everyday life.”

He tried to keep the bright side out.

“I did become very good at masking up my mental health problems,” says Sean. “I was afraid to open up fully.”

What was he afraid of?

“I was afraid people would think differently of me if I told them how I was really feeling,” says Sean.

He finally bravely decided to take action against the bullies that tormented him.

“At the end of last year, I made the difficult decision to take some time out to tackle my mental health problems,” says Sean.

“Things had really built up over the years, and the small things in life had become a massive struggle for me. Every day was gruelling.

“I had no energy to mask up my mental health problems anymore, and I was hardly sleeping.”

Every day was an effort.

“I remember days where I would be walking into work, crying, but somehow literally just before opening the door, I would pull it together and force a smile on my face.”

Sean took action.

“I spent some time in hospital in Dublin at the beginning of this year. I met my consultant there and I did a lot of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), while there. CBT is a very active process and it’s based around behaviour work.

“I also completed two different anxiety programmes which really helped me to understand my mental health better.”

He met others who were struggling with their mental health too.

“I met a large amount of exceptional people while I was in hospital,” says Sean.

“So many normal people like me who were struggling just like I was. I was not alone in my struggles. And I met people in the hospital that walked with me, who had very similar problems like I had.”

Sean realised that it was OK not to be OK.

“This is what I want to say,” says Sean. “It really is OK not to be OK.”

It was the beginning to a happy ending.

“I am only at the beginning of my journey,” says Sean.

He has an important message for other young people like himself.

“What I want to say to other young people who are suffering in silence like I was, is to have the courage to go and talk to your GP, or your parents, or close friends or family,” say Sean.

“Your doctor can help guide you in the right direction, perhaps by recommending a suitable therapist or psychologist or psychiatrist.”

The first steps are the important ones.

“Make no mistake. I am still nowhere near where I want to be,” says Sean.

“And it really is hard work. It is definitely not plain sailing and I most definitely still have days where I do not feel that good.

“It is a huge challenge, but I am moving in the right direction. It is two steps forward; one step back. I have a lot of work to do, but I have great support around me. I recently started a new type of therapy with a new therapist and that is going well.”

Being selected as a Rose of Tralee Escort is a real boost and an amazing feat for Sean; one that he is planning to excel at.

“Every year watching the festival, I always said that I would love to do it one day. A few months ago, I saw it advertised on the newspaper. I was feeling quite down at the time, and I really wanted a new experience in my life. If there is one thing I love in life, it is meeting really decent, honest and positive people,” says Sean.

“And I look forward to being the best escort I can possibly be.”

The build-up to it has been fun.

“Bootcamp for all us Rose Escorts was a great experience,” say Sean.

“Even though it was only for a few days, I met great people, not only the Escorts, but all of the background Rose of Tralee team too. We camped out for a few nights and left out phones behind, which was very liberating I must say!

“We engaged in various activities like climbing Mount Brandon, training on the beach, even getting hosed down at Tralee Fire Station!”

The fog is beginning to lift little by little.

“My goal now is to lead a more connected life,” says Sean. “And try and enjoy things to the full. I can’t wait for the festival later this month to build further friendships with the Escorts, all of the Roses and the Rose of Tralee team as a whole. Hopefully, I will get them all back to Rosscarbery at some stage.”

Sean has some valuable advice for all of us.

“Embrace your struggles and be proud of who you are. Struggling with your mental health is nothing to be ashamed of.”

The Rose of Tralee Festival runs from Friday, August 17 to Tuesday, August 21.