There is an old saying, ‘the tail is wagging the dog!’ They are in control in your home and this is not OK. They have all of the power in the household and my guess is they know this. You need to take back control in your home. How you do this is going to be hard work!
You need to regroup with your husband first off. You both need to be united on this front.
I suggest you and your husband have a meeting with the two girls and set ground rules. Spend time on this ‘document’ and have it written out for them as a ‘contract’.
You can get help to do this, from the school counselor and from good organisations in Cork.
Being a teenager today is extremely challenging. It is perhaps even more difficult at times trying to effectively parent them. They have struggles and challenges from all sides.
However, it sounds like they are in control so dialogues and communication are vital before the eldest girl is too old to pull back from this behaviour.
You need to set boundaries and if the girls do not live within these, there need to be consequences.
Children of all ages feel safer when they have firm boundaries. This may surprise you and other readers but it actually creates security for the young person.
Of course, they will not tell you this, nor will they act like they like the new system to begin with, but it will bring stability to them and you and your home and also your youngest, which is very important.
You also may need help and support from professional therapy to deal with this, as you sound exhausted and at the end of you tether.