Emer O'Callaghn: The art of saying No, but Yes to you

Settling into a new year can take some adjustment for every age group. I see this every day in my job as a beautician.

I definitely feel clients with young kids adjust fastest as the school run and routine just help that, and many of my over-50 clients with adult children say they find it harder to get back into a routine.

My retired clients then will say they feel every bit of the grey, dull, wet January weather in their body and just want to hibernate - all of this is very normal!

We might be living in an AI and internet world, but the truth is we are all only human. We are a mind, body and soul and need care and attention.

Last week, I spoke about how great exercise is for our health, improving our body and helping our minds, but this week I want to talk about something I’ve learned in my own life and it’s been a game-changer.

It is the art of learning to say NO.

As women, we do so much for so many every day - chief cook and bottle washer - but where do we put our own self-care and time for us? Bottom of the list always.

The women of today are doing it all - rearing families, running businesses, holding down full time careers - things our beloved great grandmothers wouldn’t have been left do.

And as much as it is great we have more options and choices, the truth is, we have so much to do, it is bloody exhausting. Research shows that 70% of women under the age of 50 are struggling to cope with the huge demands of juggling so much today. Many succumb to burn-out.

This can lead to premature ageing, low self-esteem, and general ill health and unhappiness.

So this week I’d like to talk about the power of the word NO, and how it too can change your life.

I embraced it myself in 2025 and I can tell ya, like a toddler learning to speak, no is now my new favourite word, I use it daily, and my life has transformed since embracing the power of saying it.

So let’s go back to a typical Irish childhood. As little girls, we are not taught that it is OK to say no, we are brought up to help everyone - get me this, get me that. The males often are exempt in many households of such domestic duties.

From a very young age, girls are expected to look well, put time into their grooming and appearance, help around the house, be an emotional support to others, as well as look after all other aspects of their life.

No-one ever says that it just might be OK to say no.

I’ve learned in this life that you should never put anyone else’s needs above your own, so learning to say no can transform your life.

YOU CAN’T DRINK FROM AN EMPTY CUP

Do you know how many people tell me every week, ‘Oh, I must get into you now this year for a facial’, and they never do? I will tell you why, because they are stuck on the merry-go-round of life of pleasing others and never themselves.

The thought of doing something nice for themselves is alien to them and so on they go, spinning around till another year flies past.

We must all make time daily for us - and no, a cup of tea and a biscuit at 11am is not it. It’s a new year, it’s time to push yourself out of your comfort zone, get out of that armchair - life is not meant to be the same ding dong every day, oh how boring.

Age has nothing to do with it. There are 80-year-olds sky diving so what are you doing moping around, wasting your days?!

HAVE LIMITS

There is a very good saying which I know to be so true: If you are a giver, have limits, because the takers have none. Setting good, healthy boundaries for yourself in every aspect of your life is the key to a fulfilling, healthy, happy life.

Its a lot harder so say No if you have been brought up to be the people-pleaser. This is the case for so many of us today.

I used be like a blue ass fly trying to get to this, get to that, and I was landing back into a full week’s work exhausted. I did one of my popular beauty videos on this topic recently and you can watch it on the Emerald Beauty Clinic Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok pages now.

NO IS A POWERFUL WORD

I had a big realisation last year when I was invited to an event, and for the first time in my life, I told that person No.

My new vocabulary is taking some adjusting to, but I had to weigh up the cost to my life of attending it. I now make the time for me, and you too need to do this.

PARK THE GUILT

I never feel guilty any more when I am doing something nice for myself, far from it, I feel proud that I made the time to make it a priority in my life.

You should never feel guilty for making time for you, and if anyone else makes you feel guilty for that, there is something wrong.

One client told me how she said at a school gate that she was having a facial, and it was greeted with shock - her being a mother of three. She wasn’t going to be a martyr!

PLANNING YOUR TIME

A beauty treatment is self-care time for you and you alone and the benefits are many. Not only will you be slowing down the ageing process for yourself, you are giving your body and mind some well-deserved rest and relaxation, something very few get to avail of at times.

I’m sure that children that see their parents making time for their self-care daily, doing regular beauty treatments, end up having better self-worth than those who never see their parents doing any of that.

Look at your day, your week, your month, and see where have you put in time for you for your self-care?

Many think getting their hair or nails done every six weeks is enough self-care, but it’s not, you need daily rituals - a long bath, some meditation, going for a massage, booking the facial.

It’s high time so many today, both male and female, started to make themselves more of a priority in their own lives.

I will finish on this: people talk often about their legacy and what they will be remembered for, and that always makes me laugh.

My clients tell me all the time they will always remember me for being the person who taught them how to wash their face properly, and we laugh, and sure, I will take it.

I really couldn’t care less what I’m remembered for, to be honest.

So, it’s the first month of a new year, a clean slate, a fresh canvas, a new beginning, I hope you make this the year you prioritise you in your life, embrace the power of the word no, and live every day for the gift that it is.

We all only get one life and there will be no medals for being a martyr in the funeral home. Make time to invest time and care back into you, you never know, you might just find you enjoy and love it too.

Next week, Emer writes about how to correctly cleanse your skin for your skin type and age, and to learn how clean is your cleansing.

• Emer O’Callaghan is a multi award winning Beauty Doctor and Skin Specialist who won Irish Beauty Therapist of the year and works at Emerald Organic Beauty Products Ltd, trading as Emerald Beauty Clinic, 021 4365949. A multi award winning Gold Standard Clinic, www.emeraldbeautyclinic.ie - follow her on Facebook/instagram/Tik Tok pages now also.
• SPECIAL OFFER: Book any Guinot or Dermalogica facial this month and get a complimentary eyebrow shape, heated hand treatment, samples bag and treats. To book, call Emerald Beauty Clinic, 021 4365949, appointments necessary, Free parking for clients.