Mental health care for the men in our lives

TRIGGER warning: This article discusses mental health and suicide which some readers may find distressing.

For your own support, you can link in with your GP, or call the HSE YourMentalHealth Information Line on freephone 1800 111 888, any time day or night.

For World Mental Health Day this month, the online world was awash with posts, articles, images and videos relating to mental health and the importance of communication.

One video in particular stuck with me, and with many others too, it seems, as it racked up the views and quickly went viral, with over 10 million views at the last count.

Norwich City Football Club in England got creative, and shot an incredibly impactful video depicting two male friends attending their weekly football games. All rigged out in the green and yellow kit, donning jerseys, scarves and hats, they took their seats and greeted one another, and shot after shot showed them both in the same seats at subsequent games, watching the matches and reacting to the passages of play as they unfolded.

The friend on the right was jolly and animated, initiated interaction with his mate frequently, laughed and celebrated, and just generally immersed himself in the football experience. This was in significant contrast to his companion on the left, who displayed a much more sombre appearance, slower reactions, peaked cap pulled over his eyes, gaze often lowered, fidgeting, distracted, often visibly anxious and grappling with some sort of uncomfortable emotion.

Occasionally, his more upbeat friend threw an arm around his shoulder in celebration, or made eye contact as if to say “alright?” and he just nodded. Yet each game he showed up.

When the final clip is revealed, that sombre friend walks again takes his seat, but alone – and places his scarf on the back of his comrade’s seat beside him. The camera pans, and the sickening realisation that the jolly, upbeat, exuberant, high-on-life-and-football gentleman is no longer with us hits. The video ends with the message “At times it can be obvious when someone is struggling to cope, but sometimes the signs are harder to spot”.

As this video illustrated, obvious signs are not always there for us to see, and it’s often the men in our lives that go to the greatest efforts to hide when they’re struggling.

Male mental health statistics are well documented, with middle-aged Irish men presenting with the highest suicide rates in Ireland. It’s not just an Irish issue, however. A recently published systematic review of male suicide risk reported a link between cultural masculinity and suicide risk. Men don’t want to appear ‘weak’ by showing signs of struggling with their mental health, and are generally less likely than women to talk through their feelings. They also tend to devalue their interpersonal needs, preferring to just ‘get on with things’.

It can feel impossible to break down these communication barriers to help the men in our lives who we suspect might be struggling, and it may be hard to know what to do.

Here are some steps to consider:

Don’t be afraid to ask: We’re often fearful of broaching questions about mental health and perhaps planting a seed, but evidence shows that isn’t the case. Asking is giving permission to express and process, rather than bottling up with toxic outcomes.

Listen: It can sometimes feel like we don’t have the right advice to give, or a good answer to the person’s problems, but the gift of listening, especially in a world where we rarely stop to take breath, can be so healing.

Signpost: You’re not expected to have the answers yourself, but by guiding somebody to their GP, local counsellor or emergency services if in immediate danger, you’re making a big difference. Your presence and support may well be the thing that gives them the strength for that next step.

Encourage: When they’re ready, suggestions of where to find that connection that might boost their mood, at places such as sports clubs or men’s sheds, might prompt them to seek out a nourishing activity.

Mind yourself: Witnessing the suffering of somebody you love is incredibly difficult. Acknowledging the toll this can take on your own wellbeing, and mxaking sure to reach out yourself and lean on others, is vital. Don’t allow stigma or shame to keep you alone in the struggle. Mind yourself so you can mind them.

Support information: If you, or someone you know, needs support or is in crisis, contact your local GP.

In an emergency, go to/contact the Emergency Department of your nearest hospital or ring 999 for Emergency Services.

Text About It is a free 24-hour anonymous messaging service for people in crisis. Text HELLO to 50808

Samaritans provide a 24-hour listening services, free of charge. Phone 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org

Further help seeking information: www.yourmentalhealth.ie