I WAS sitting at the kitchen table at “stupid o’clock” this morning, feeling the weight of work deadlines and the aches and spasms of muscles that still have the impact of Covid 19 lingering in them.
I resisted the urge to immediately reach for the glucose laden Lucozade which is just out of my reach. My desire for it tells me that my energy levels are at that utterly exhausted low that the end of January tends to bring.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spy 12 daffodil stalks starting to open in the water of the very classy pint glass they are placed in and then I suddenly realise, January is over. Spring is coming. Brighter, longer days are on the way, Yippee!
Soon afterwards, my parents appear as they have to go to the farmyard early to check on any calves that may have been born overnight, and there will always be a few. It is just shy of 7am when I realise both have already been in the yard once that morning so they are literally full of the joys of Spring. I suppose it is better than sitting in the gloom of winter!
I have always struggled to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in the morning.
I am like an old engine, I take a while to get going. With over three decades of experience, my nearest and dearest know that it is better to leave me alone until my personal fog lifts and I can settle into the morning.
My husband is a real morning beamer, he can solve all the problems of the world in the morning and is out like a light as soon as he sits down at night time. He will have his first round of sleep before he makes it to the bed at all. I would love to say I am a “night owl” and can stay going long into the late hours, but I can’t really do that either anymore.
The working hours and evening hours are packed solid with activity so either end of the day is energy zapping.
I was discussing tiredness with a colleague at work recently and they mentioned they felt the same way. I was so relieved. I thought it was just me.
When it comes to fatigue, I immediately jump to blaming the physical disability I have. That must be the reason I can’t do it all. My physical constraints must be the block to feeling like a superhero at least in the morning or at night, if not both. Then I started to ask my friends and I realise now that they all feel tired after surviving the first month of the year too.
Sometimes, I tend to assume I am the only one feeling a particular way because of my cerebral palsy, when in fact there is a lot more common experience than I think.
As humans, in the western world at least, we pack a lot into life with kids, relationships and work. Truth be told, I had to catch myself when typing the last sentence so as to not put work first. Maybe that says something about where I am at in my head.
I’ll tell you one thing, I am very grateful for the extra bank holiday coming that’s just coming into sight! I love a bank holiday because, even if I have a random day off, I often feel the urge to check in with my team to make sure all is OK but on a bank holiday, nobody in our office is working so we can breathe.
Good woman, Bridget!