Will Gen Z have more successful marriages than their parents?

Eva Osborne

Gen Z have a reputation for being slow to settle down, employing an arsenal of terms like 'red flag' and 'situationship' to describe suitors and their connections.

However, when it comes to marriage, Gen Z may have the edge on their parents' generation. Successful marriages cannot be measured by longevity alone, but also by strong communication and a healthy dynamic.

Relationship consultant David Kavanagh said Gen Z, made up of those born between 1997 and 2012, have more awareness of what constitutes a healthy relationship.

"There's far more awareness today within Gen Z in terms of the kind of things that are necessary for a healthy relationship, because it's so much more in the zeitgeist of what people are discussing and talking about.

"People's expectations of relationships are constantly being analysed and scrutinised in terms of social media. And I also think that Gen Z are much slower to jump into long-term relationships than their parents were or grandparents were.

"That's probably bad for population in terms of population growth, but is a good thing in terms of marital success.

"We do know that, statistically speaking, the less children a couple has, the more satisfaction they feel. And the longer they take to choose their partner, the more likely that relationship is to be a success long-term. As opposed to people kind of feeling pressurised into settling with the first person that's available that offers kind of some level of commitment, which is what would have happened in the past maybe."

Kavanagh said Gen Z are right to delay settling down.

"If you haven't lived and you haven't had, for you, enough partners or situationships or experiences, whether they be sexual experiences or just life experiences, if you haven't done that, you'll find yourself with a partner and you're 40 years of age and you've been with that person for 15 years.

"A lot of people then find that they feel agitated, they feel a bit bored, they feel like, is this all there is? Because the routine of domestic life can be a little bit cumbersome.

"And as more and more people are addicted to dopamine and to instantaneous gratification, then the people that are in relationships that got together when they were younger, they're going to feel a greater sense of: 'Well, there must be more to life out there, maybe there's more people out there for me'.

"That's what I noticed in my practice, at least, that people in their 40s and 50s are getting more of a sense of dissatisfaction just because it's a social expectation that there's more out there. There's better out there. As opposed to there actually being nothing wrong with the person that they're with."

'Fickle and choosy'

While Gen Z have the right idea in making sure the person they decide to marry is right for them, they may have become too picky.

"Potentially, I think they're more susceptible to the idea that there's better, taller, prettier, more handsome, more generous, more kind out there than the person that they have.

"So, oftentimes when I'm working with couples in their 20s, I kind of get them to realise, well, yes, you can leave this individual, but you're going to replace this particular person who has problems A, B, and C, for a different person who has problems D, E, and F, so it's your choice.

"No human being is perfect, and every relationship is complex. You're going to have to learn the skills to navigate compromise and communicate effectively, no matter who you're with.

"It's about having realistic expectations, whereas I think my grandparents' generation would have just had one individual that they were with for life, and there was never a sense that they were missing out on something else.

"There weren't the same level of options. You couldn't just swipe on a smartphone and see a hundred different people that you could have a relationship with. That didn't happen 50 years ago.

"People stayed together, but they just stayed together as a consequence because there was no other option. Whereas now, there are probably too many options. And it means people can become very fickle and can become quite choosy.

And in that choosiness, they can end up being single for longer than they actually probably want, because they’re too fussy.

"That’s something I would be suggesting to Gen Zs is that you have your expectations of what a relationship should be, but you also have to be realistic about what a relationship is, because they’re a human being.

"So, a relationship is full of flaws and full of nuances. It's all about balance, I think, and compromise, really."

'Relationships are boring, they're hard work'

On top of being too picky, Gen Z may be quicker to abandon a marriage that is going through problems, instead of sticking around to work it out.

"I think most Gen X and baby boomers perceptions of relationships are that, if you get married, it's supposed to be for life to the best of your ability. But because divorce has become a part of Irish culture, I think that has opened up Gen Z's consciousness to the idea that, yes, we can get married, but we don't have to stay together if we're unhappy," Kavanagh said.

"The problem there is, I think Gen Z would be prone to leaving a marriage quicker than necessary, or quicker than they have to, because they don't really understand what happiness is.

"I just have a sense that people's expectations of happiness are way out of whack because of Instagram and social media. When in actual fact, what I'm saying to people in their 20s and 30s, is that relationships are boring, they're a slog, they're hard work.

"They're not as easy and they're not as fun as what you see in terms of your friends' holiday snaps on social media.

"It's not like that. It is just drudgery for most of the time, with occasional glimpses of happiness and joy for good measure. But people have to be aware that this is hard work. It doesn't come easy."