By Ellie Iorizzo, PA Senior Entertainment Reporter
The Duchess of Sussex said she was “not allowed” to get help after experiencing suicidal thoughts amid concerns for the institution’s image.
In Netflix’s Harry & Meghan documentary, the duchess has described feeling suicidal after her treatment by the British media.
During the fourth episode, Meghan said: “It was like ‘All of this will stop if I am not here’. And that was the scariest thing about it because it was such clear thinking.”
Meghan’s mother, Doria Ragland, spoke about learning that her daughter had been thinking about taking her own life.
She said: “I remember her telling me that, that she had wanted to take her own life, and that really broke my heart because I knew…
“Well, I knew it was bad, but to just constantly be picked at by these vultures, just picking away at her spirit, that she would actually think of not wanting to be here. That is not an easy one for a mum to hear.”
Wiping away tears, she added: “And I can’t protect her. H (Harry) can’t protect her.”
The Duke of Sussex said he hates himself for the way he reacted as “institutional Harry” rather than “husband Harry” after Meghan told him how she was feeling.
He said: “I was devastated. I knew that she was struggling. We were both struggling, but I never thought that it would get to that stage, and the fact that it got to that stage, I felt angry and ashamed.
“I didn’t deal with it particularly well. I dealt with it as institutional Harry, as opposed to husband Harry. And what took over my feelings was my royal role.
“I had been trained to worry more about ‘What are people going to think if we don’t go to this event, we’re going to be late’, and looking back on it now, I hate myself for it.
“What she needed from me was so much more than what I was able to give.”
Meghan previously confessed she had suicidal thoughts at the height of her crisis in the monarchy during the tell-all interview with US talk show host Oprah Winfrey in 2021.
– Anyone who needs support can call Samaritans free of charge on 116 123 (UK and ROI), email email@example.com, or visit the Samaritans website.