Áilín Quinlan: Living with a clutterbug can be hard, here’s how to deal with it

Can’t stand it. Don’t understand it. Unable to ignore it.

The physical mess.

The stress.

The frustration.

The sheer hassle of not being able to lay your hand on something you need because you’re living in clutter and everything is buried in a tidal wave of someone else’s possessions.

The potential injuries that can result from falling over things left lying around.

The sense of claustrophobia and tension that can ensue.

The potential negative effects clutter can have on mental health.

Clutter can be a real problem.

It can exacerbate or even cause strained relationships, household dysfunction, and increased stress levels.

Research has shown that women who report having more clutter in their homes experience higher levels of cortisol, the stress hormone.

Studies also indicate that messy living environments can contribute to a sense of general chaos and cause needless hassle in completing simple tasks, because you can’t find what you need under the heaps of magazines, clothes, and bits of gear lying around.

Let’s not forget the unnecessary accidents caused by tripping and falling over stuff that has been discarded and forgotten.

Clutter can cause tension, frustration, and arguments.

Living in someone else’s mess can also affect your ability to think clearly, concentrate, remember stuff, or even process information.

So, if you’re a bit of a slob-meister, beware – your spouse/partner/ roommate/housemates are being negatively affected by your clutter.

Your stuff is lying around all over their living space. It’s getting in their way. It’s causing stress and irritation. It’s distracting. It makes life difficult because it’s such a chore to find items needed to get a simple job done.

Studies have shown that clutter can also potentially contribute to a reduction in the general satisfaction with life experienced by older people.

It can make some people feel claustrophobic, or stuck.

Some studies even indicate a link between clutter and depression.

The burning question is how to tackle someone who is causing clutter and whether there’s really any point trying, because a clutterbug may not even notice the mess he or she is creating - and may actually feel more comfortable in a mess. In fact, the clutterbug may believe that it’s the more tidy-minded person who has the problem.

Let’s start with the reasons why clutter happens and why some people create way more of it than others? Why won’t we throw out stuff that we don’t wear, will never use and which is delaying us doing important things, or physically tripping us up every time we move?

Here’s where it gets interesting.

It’s not just laziness, actually; it’s a kind of psychology all to itself. So here goes:

Clutter can be overwhelming: It builds up! Tackling that build-up of old newspapers, discarded coats, shopping bags, half-empty mugs of tea, unwashed dishes, empty packets, broken toys, children’s shoes or tools or sports gear left lying around, looks like such a gargantuan job that it just feels easier and less stressful to leave it alone.

Fear: Certain items such as a chipped ornament or an old greeting card can provide us with such a sense of security or solace that we’re afraid to throw them out. We feel anxious about it. We believe we might need the item again some time and we fear losing the sense of comfort associated with having it.

The perceived importance of a possession: Some objects can remind us of happier times. We might hang on to a dress that no longer fits but which we can’t bear to ditch because we might be able to wear it again some time. We hang on to old brochures or postcards from long-ago holidays, or a magazine containing a potentially interesting article that we keep meaning to read.

Sentimental value: Some items have connections to our childhoods or to loved ones who are no longer with us and it’s an impossible wrench to throw them away.

How best to tackle the mindset?

The expert advice is to begin a calm and respectful discussion about the mess. Emphasise the use of ‘I’ statements.

Try to avoid blaming the clutterbug. Don’t make negative comments.

Be patient. Suggest that you’d simply like to make your shared space more comfortable.

Try to understand why someone might want to hang on to things (see above).

Express empathy about how difficult it can be to let go of some things.

Discuss the importance of the fair use of shared spaces and offer suggestions about other places where things might be neatly stored.

Offer to help without pressure or judgement - suggest you’ll drive any bags of unwanted things to the local recycling centre or a charity shop.

Of course, you can always just lose the rag, and yell ’til you’re blue in the the face about the sheer unadulterated misery and blatant injustice of being forced to live in someone else’s catastrophic mess. Personally, I wouldn’t blame you. But, life being life, that will get you nowhere.

Bite the bullet, button the lip and follow the advice. Who knows? It might even work.