Cork Views: How to deal with your own inflated ego

We all know them – the people who are ‘always right’. We have got used to hearing President Trump say he is ‘the greatest president of all time’.

Trumpian language revolves around ‘the biggest’, ‘the largest’, ‘the greatest of all time’. He recently said his is the most successful 100-day start of any U.S president.

Trump is not the only famous egomaniac. Many of us will remember Cal Hockley in the movie Titanic – Rose’s fiancé. In his few short scenes, he questioned Picasso’s talent, disparaged Rose repeatedly, and grabbed a random child to ensure his place in a life-boat.

Then there is Dolores Umbridge in the Harry Potter films, an evil ego draped in pink, and Danny Zuko in Grease acting like he was at the top of the food pyramid.

The evidence suggests that going through life believing you are right about everything, accompanied by blind spots to the alternative, is unhealthy in lots of ways.

Researchers claim that narcissism is potentially inked to an increased risk of heart attack or stroke, and that an inflated ego and blind spots are the two biggest barriers to making good decisions, including those that revolve around your health.

Recognising these flaws are the first steps to getting past them if you decide you want to.

Researchers at the U.S University of Michigan asked 106 college students to fill out a personality test of questions aimed at understanding how stressed they felt and the size of their ego (for example, rating this statement highly – ‘If I ruled the world it would be a better place’ - likely means you’ve got a sizeable ego). The researchers also tested the students’ saliva for levels of the stress hormone cortisol.

The research published in PloS One (2012) found that those who qualified as narcissistic had higher levels of cortisol – especially men.

Study author, Sara Konrath, assistant research professor at the University of Michigan’s Research Centre for Group Dynamics, suggested that the stress comes in part from a narcissistic person’s need to constantly prove they are better than everybody else.

And men in particular tend to feel a lot of pressure to maintain the image of being independent and tough, qualities that overlap with narcissism.

High levels of cortisol are linked to chronic conditions such as heart disease and stroke as well as excess visceral belly fat, raised insulin levels, and increased risk of type 2 diabetes.

The evidence suggests that narcissism is getting worse. Konrath and her colleagues dug up data on 85 groups of college students who had taken the same personality test between 1979 and 2006. The rate of narcissism increased by almost a third (30%) over that period. And, as the research shows, they may wind up with poorer health too.

Ray Dalio grew up in an ordinary middle class child from Long Island, New York State, to become one of the 100 most influential (according to Time) and 100 wealthiest (according to Forbes) people in the world. He set up the investment company Bridgewater Associates.

In 2017, he wrote Principles, outlining his principles for living that contributed to personal and business success. In the book, Dalio suggests that the two biggest barriers to good decision-making are your ego and your blind spots.

Dalio outlines how basic needs such as the need to be loved, the need to survive, and the need to be important reside in primitive parts of the brain known as the amygdala, that are structures in the temporal lobe that process emotions. Because the processing of these emotions is subconscious, it is virtually impossible to understand how they control you. They oversimplify and react instinctively.

They crave praise and respond to criticism as an attack and make you defensive, “especially when it comes to the subject of how good you are”.

At the same time, higher levels of consciousness resides in the pre-frontal cortex of your brain where conscious decision-making happens, as well as the application of logic and reason.

We all know that Jekyll and Hyde feeling where you get angry with yourself for something you know you should not do. ‘I shouldn’t have eaten that tub of ice-cream’, when your more basic instincts were screaming at you to open the tub in the fridge.

The same fight happens between the two ‘yous’ when it comes to conflict with other people. The lower selves are like attack dogs - they want to fight it out while the higher self wants to figure it out. Even the most intelligent people behave this way and it is linked to poor decision-making and to poor health.

“To be effective, you must not let your need to be right be more important than your need to find out what’s true,” said Dalio.

There are ways past the fatal flaw of an inflated ego that harbours blind spots. Practice being open-minded. Listen first, then decide. Don’t worry about looking good; worry about achieving goals. Be clear on whether you are arguing or seeking to understand.

Recognise the signs of close-mindedness, like not wanting ideas challenged, blocking others from speaking, and a lack of humility.

Acknowledging these characteristics in yourself is the first step to being more open- minded next time round.

Dalio sums it up succinctly: “If you’re like most people, you have no clue how other people see things and aren’t good at seeking to understand what they are thinking, because you’re too preoccupied with telling them what you thinks is correct.” Does any of this ring a bell?

The evidence suggests admitting you just might be wrong is the first step towards better decision-making, better physical health, less stress and improved wellbeing.

Plus, you will lose your reputation for being an egotistical know-all.