Leaving Cert 2025: How can parents support teens for exams?

Preparing for an exam like the Leaving Cert is not something that is endured by the student alone.

It affects the whole household, who make accommodations to their routines and normal way of life to facilitate quiet space for revision.

Parents experience increased tensions within the family, and experience their own stress and anxiety as they want the best for the person working towards the exams.

Parents have a difficult job in the run-up to the exams. Parenting teenagers can be challenging at the best of times, and with the added pressure of the Leaving Cert, it can be even more difficult. Parents might experience more frequent outbursts from their child who is stressed and worried, which can be hard to manage. They might also witness more withdrawal from family life as their child tries to navigate the pressures of revision, schoolwork, pre-exams and the exams.

The role of the parent over the coming months will be challenging and ever-changing, depending on the needs of the child at any given time. It can be hard to adapt to the often more intense behaviours their child may experience while also remaining encouraging, supportive and patient.

There are a number of strategies a parent can use during this time, while keeping in mind that, firstly, they might not always work, and secondly, could be rejected by their child one day and needed and accepted on a different day.

Support

There is nothing more powerful for a young person than to know that they have someone who supports and believes in them.

Parental support from a young age in their child’s ability to become independent and overcome challenges will empower a child to take on challenges and give them a sense of self-belief that will help them endure the difficult times in their lives.

Support, however, does not look the same for each child, some like to be explicitly supported; told they are capable, have ability and can achieve what they set their mind to.

Other young people, just like adults, prefer a more implicit support, meaning that they find strength in the actions of others around them such as allowing them the space to vent frustrations, accommodating their needs such as a quiet space to work, or even the simple things like preparing their favourite meal.

The expectations that parents have for their children can also be an important factor in how they perform over the coming months. Young people live up or down to the expectations parents, teachers and other adults in their lives have of them. This is known as the Pygmalion effect.

If we have high, yet realistic, expectations of our children they will likely become confident enough to meet these expectations, however, if we have low expectations, even if this is not true but only perceived by the child, as can sometimes be the case, they will inevitably meet these expectations too.

It can be challenging to get the balance of support and how to support your child right, but parents know their children better than anyone else and can often find ways to encourage them that uniquely works best for them.

Communication

As anyone raising a teenager knows only too well, it can be difficult to communicate with them. This can become even more challenging during times of stress. Teenagers in general can be hypersensitive to criticism and often see criticism where none was intended.

When young people feel blamed or criticised, they react by either lashing out or withdrawing or both, each scenario meaning that it will be difficult to support them for some time afterwards. Often, when trying to deliver a supportive message to teenagers to try to help them, how you are saying it is as important as what you are saying.

When trying to communicate your concerns to young people, it is often better to use ‘I’ statements as opposed to ‘you’ statements. For example, when we become frustrated with the young people in our lives, we often use phrase like, “you are not working hard enough” or “you are always coming home late and not studying enough”.

When we use “you” young people immediately feel criticised and will shut down and not be in a place where they can hear us. When we use phrases instead like, “I am worried that you are falling behind in your revision is there anything you need help with?” or “I have noticed you are coming home late a lot, I am worried about the amount of time you have to study, is there any way I can help?, you are placing the emphasis on yourself rather than the young person and they are more likely to hear what you are trying to say.

Supportive parents who engage with their child’s education have a huge impact on the outcomes of their child’s education.

Over the coming months, parents will be the secure and supportive people in students’ lives and be the ones who will ultimately help them overcome the challenging months ahead.