Yes, 800 years of oppression, but Queen and Cromwell are my icons

OK, ok, I know. Eight hundred years of oppression and all of that. But still.

Two of my all-time personal icons are the late Queen Elizabeth, who needs no introduction, and Thomas Cromwell, a self-proclaimed ruffian and former mercenary who rose to become a banker, lawyer, politician, and one of the most powerful men in Britain during the reign of King Henry VIII.

At one point, this former homeless vagrant had so many noble titles it was hard to keep track.

The thing about Queen Elizabeth and Thomas Cromwell was; they knew how people worked.

After watching The Crown, reading about Queen Elizabeth and spending months listening to Hilary Mantel’s trilogy, Wolf Hall, Bring up the Bodies and The Mirror and the Light – on audio-book, I began to see similarities.

Elizabeth and Cromwell were intelligent, powerful, dignified, cool-headed, restrained and unflinching. They also learned on the hoof.

One of the recurring themes in Mantel’s trilogy – and indeed when you read about Queen Elizabeth - was that both of them understood the need to “arrange your face”. Show nothing. Always say less than necessary. Win through action, not argument.

A fascinating pair, indeed.

While I was listening to Bring Up The Bodies for the second time round – while also watching The Crown for the second time round - I came across mention of a book which seemed to hold a key to the success of Queen Elizabeth and Thomas Cromwell.

The book is Robert Green’s The 48 Laws of Power. I’m not a fan of self-help books - tried that tee-shirt on a few times and always lost it. But there was something about it that intrigued me. Because, essentially, from what I could see, The 48 Laws of Power is basically all about how to arrange your face.

First, I checked out the reviews. They were hilariously mixed. Some readers view the book as a pragmatic manual which teaches you how people actually are in the real world.

Even if, as one said, you don’t want to use the tools it offers so as to be a successful, if deceitful heartless, horrible “person” (this reviewer used a far less acceptable word) who does whatever he or she can for personal gain, you can still read the book to help protect yourself from the aforementioned, amoral, deceitful and horrible people. This book is about, said one reviewer, facing reality in its purest, rawest form.

Someone else felt the book was a perfect example of what’s wrong with Big Pharma, big business, Wall Street, and, well, capitalism, because it explains how to screw over everyone you come in contact with and get ahead.

One reader described being “plunged” into despair by the book elements of which, he said, actually raised gooseflesh on the arms.

Well, I thought to myself, I’ve got to read this.

Like most of us, at one time or another, I’ve been deceived, used, abused and screwed over. I’ve been lied to, patronised and betrayed. I’ve been a victim of gas-lighting and back-stabbing. And most of the time I didn’t even see it coming.

I saw only what I wanted to see; trustworthiness, essential decency and being what you advertised on the tin. I thus found myself floundering in the mud on more occasions than I’d care to remember; stunned, battered, bewildered and hurt. I’m still standing - after all, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. But still.

When I called to ask about Green’s book, the bookshop assistant said a bit sniffily that she didn’t think that this was the kind of book they stocked. Even more intrigued, I immediately ordered it.

I wasn’t out to trample over everyone and conquer the world. It’s a bit late in the day for that. But, as I thought to myself, I want to learn how to protect myself from a certain sort of person that I’ve fallen for before. So I paid €24.70 for a paperback copy.

It was fascinating. It really is like a tool-kit for life. It’s up to you which tools you use and how you use them – either to protect yourself from the emotional and professional thugs in your life or to become a back-stabbing climber who uses everybody else to get ahead.

Some of the tools, of course, like Law 14 Pose as a Friend, Work as a Spy or Law 33 Discover Each Man’s Thumbscrew, would not appeal to anybody with an ounce of humanity in them.

Others, like Law 1 Never Outshine the Master, Law 35 Master the Art of Timing or Law 40 Despise the Free Lunch make solid sense.

Law 2 though, made me take a deep breath. Never put too much trust in friends and learn to use enemies. Be wary of friends, says Greene, for they are easily aroused to envy. Ouch.

You have more to fear from friends than from enemies he says, so if you have no enemies, make them. Hire an enemy and he will be more loyal than a friend, because he has more to prove.

Laws 3 and 4 - Conceal your Intentions and Always Say Less than Necessary – reminded me a lot of Thomas Cromwell and Queen Elizabeth... I could have done a bit more of that at an earlier stage of my development.

Law 7 is not an easy one for anybody with an ounce of decency: Get Others to Do the Work for You, but Always Take the Credit.

Law 13 is another lesson in cynicism. When Asking for Help, Appeal to People’s Self-Interest, never to their Mercy or Gratitude.

Law 8 is a decent one that makes sense, Win Through Actions, Never Through Argument. Some of the Laws are utterly ruthless and only for those who exist on the dark side.

Green’s tool-kit contains tools that can create good things and tools that can cause immense harm. All have a function and it’s up to you how you choose to use them.

For me, in this time of increasing personal isolation and loneliness, Law 18 stands out. Do Not Build Fortresses to Protect Yourself. Isolation is Dangerous. It’s a fact of life: No matter how miserable or let-down you feel, you just gotta to get out there and circulate. No matter what.

At the end of the day, the man makes sense.