Dealing with the downside of summer holidays

AS the summer season is in full swing, so is the influx of people and influencers going on holidays, posting about having a great time online, and the pressure to embark on extravagant and costly vacations for others increases.

We want to shed light on the negative impact this can have on individuals’ mental health. Specifically, to address the effect of social media influencers and the self-imposed pressure people put on themselves related to their appearance and personal expectations while on holiday.

One of the hardest parts of being human, something which is an innate and primitive drive in our decision-making and actions, is feeling like we are included. We all need to be part of something for our survival; being ‘in’ means that we are not ‘out’.

Historically, if we were on the outside, we were more vulnerable to being attacked, which is a threatening place to be. We still have these old brain capacities and thinking, which people bring to their lives now online.

So now, instead of our brains being used for survival through the creation of relationships, the social media influence is that people are seeing others having a great time and thinking ‘Oh, that’s what I need to be part of too’.

See, our brains aren’t wired for happiness, they’re wired to keep us alive. Different parts of our brains are motivated to do different things inside of us; think of it like different apps. We have one designed to keep us alive and safe, and one that wants us to be ‘in’, and takes in information which can very easily convince us we need to copy others to fit in.

Our survival mechanism affects us deeply, so mix this with the visual stimulus from the online world, which then becomes the barometer for happiness and external validation, and it becomes a potent combination and something that can easily become quite overwhelming for us to tolerate.

Toxic competitiveness is a very real part of modern life, which can feed into capitalism very quickly (have you heard the new trend of having a professional family photographer to capture holiday moments). As humans, we find this stuff hard to regulate internally, but it’s not impossible.

We also have another part of us, our caring and sharing system (or app), is the part of us that is really excellent at caring for others, but perhaps less practised at caring for ourselves.

The solution? To practise tuning into what feels good for us and practice moving away from what doesn’t feel so good.

We need to care for ourselves when we feel under pressure to compete, or feel not good enough. Cultivating that self-kindness will help everyone to experience true joy and fulfilment in their own life, including holidays. You can create the same feeling in a tent in Kerry as you can at a 5-star resort abroad; it’s about how you feel inside about you, your life, and who you share it with that impacts you the most.

Moving away from thinking about what others think, even moving away from posting about holidays, is so important because then you’re not looking for external validation. You can validate yourself and really feel that being you is the amazing and wonderful thing that it really is.

Social media has definitely contributed to the portrayal of idealised and picture-perfect vacation experiences, perpetuating unrealistic expectations and amplifying the pressure to go on these big expensive holidays. As a result, individuals often find themselves trapped in a cycle of comparison, self-doubt, and the need to meet societal standards, leading to heightened stress levels and potential negative effects on mental wellbeing.

Practical steps people can take is to limit their social media usage and keep an eye on who you follow. Our senses are everything - what you feed your senses has a direct impact on what your brain thinks and which internal apps are being triggered.

A great way to monitor this is to see how you feel when you come off social media. Has your mind gone into a whirlwind of planning to get or be the thing/person/experience you see? Has your mind gone inwards and you’re becoming critical about your life? Well, this is normal. It is the way our minds are designed, which isn’t your fault, but absolutely something that you can support yourself with.

What we want to do is to cultivate an inner voice which is your inner ally, has your best interests at heart and understands why we all have these abilities to criticise ourselves, but most importantly, this inner voice is motivated to want to help us. By cultivating our kind minds, we can then create practical change within our lives that is helpful for us.

So, from our kind minds, we will make decisions that make us feel good, including spending time with people who are good for us, having limits with social media use, and helping us tune into when we’ve gone into a place inside that doesn’t feel good.

The role of social media isn’t to regulate us. It’s a platform of information, awareness, and sales. It can be confusing and overwhelming, so the need for people to create real relationships, find that feeling of feeling good enough inside, and cultivate an inner voice that can support them through the wild rides our minds take us on has never been so important.

If you feel that you might need a little bit more help to change your mindset, you can visit www.iacp.ie, who have lots of accredited counsellors and psychotherapists with expertise in this area.

Bethan O’Riordan, MIACP psychotherapist and author of The Self-Care Planner: How To Live A Balanced Life.