Leaving Cert 2023: How to  parent through exams

THE Leaving Cert year is challenging for young people, however it can also be difficult and stressful for their families especially parents. The phrase “the whole house does the Leaving Cert” describes the experience of parents and siblings. Households try to adapt to the needs of the students while also maintaining the demands of family life. It can be difficult in a practical sense but also challenging emotionally.

Parents want their children to do well and reach their potential but also want to support and protect them. This can be challenging when also dealing with the emotions of their child and often frequent conflict due to the pressures of the exam year. For many young people, home is their safe place where they feel secure enough to vent their frustrations and sometimes lash out.

This can cause significant tension within the home and parents often feel like they are walking on eggshells, afraid that if they say the wrong thing in an effort to support their child it will start an argument. It’s important that parents maintain the boundaries of respectful communication while also facilitating their child’s needs to express their frustrations. This is a difficult balancing act but there are some strategies that can work.

Remaining Calm

This might seem obvious but can also be very challenging when your child is stressed and pushing boundaries. Often young people blame their parents when they are feeling overwhelmed, almost expecting parents to take away the challenges they are experiencing. 

Although not rational, it’s a normal response when children are stressed.

As adults we need to model the behaviour that we want to see in our children. Obviously, this is not possible at all times as we are all human, but if we can remain calm most of the time and teach young people how to express their strong emotions in a healthy way, we are helping them process and overcome these emotions and helping them become calmer so that they can focus on what they need to do to succeed.

Praising Effort

Students can be extremely self-critical, always feeling that they are not good enough, not working hard enough, not as clever, or successful as their friends. When young people sense criticism from adults they will stop listening. Even students who are not working to their potential or find school difficult, know that they are not doing what they need to. If a parent or teacher highlights this out of concern, students can often react in anger or apathy.

We are very results focused when it comes to exams, and often getting the highest result in the only motivating factor for young people. However, to sustain motivation and focus over the coming weeks, the effort that is being made needs to be acknowledged. When students feel that their effort and progress is valued, they tend to sustain their work effort over longer periods of time.

Listening to Understand

It can be difficult for young people to explain to adults what is bothering them. Often strong emotions and sensitivity to criticism means that teenagers often withdraw from their parents. This can be difficult for parents who only want to help and support their child.

The next few weeks will be challenging for parents and students and there will be many ups and downs. When parents are supporting Leaving Cert students its important to help them process their strong emotions. 

Often when we are talking with someone we are not fully listening as we are formulating a response in our minds as they speak. 

Listening to understand means fully focusing on what the other person is saying.

When talking with young people its important to avoid giving advice too quickly and ensuring that you understand what hey are telling you before offering help. By showing that you are fully listening, young people will feel understood and supported.

Showing You Care

There are many ways that we can show that we care for someone else. Throughout the teenage years communication with your child can become challenging. And when the stress of the Leaving Cert comes along this can become even more challenging than ever. However, parents can show their support in many different ways to let their child know that they support them.

Doing things like making their favourite meal, organising activities they enjoy to get a break from revision or simply being a positive presence in their lives are some of the ways that parents can show they care.

Parent Self-Care

It’s also important for parents to remember to take care of their own wellbeing over the coming weeks. As well as managing the stresses of their child they will also have they own worries about the exams as well as the normal concerns of day-to-day life.

We are often quick to give advice as adults but slow to take care of ourselves. Therefore, its important that parents also take time for themselves to relax and connect with friends and family to ensure that they can be there to support their child. Whatever the outcome of the exams, young people have an amazing resilience and ability to find their way in life after school. The Leaving Cert is important but there are many ways students can achieve their dreams. Over the coming weeks its important to maintain this perspective.

Alan White is a second level teacher, 6th Year Head and wellbeing author at Bishopstown Community School. He also facilitates wellbeing workshops for companies and organisations. For more information visit www.changeswellbeing.ie linkedin Alan White or facebook Changes Wellbeing