Being overly ‘septic’ really is a recipe for dissatisfaction...

CORKONIANS of a certain age might recall the word ‘septic’ being used to denote vanity, as in ‘That wan is septic out’.

But back in the day, when I was at secondary school, the levels of vanity on show were pretty low.

Eyebrows were plucked to within a hair follicle of their lives, a big mistake as we later learned, now that many of us have to ‘draw’ on our eyebrows. (Even Victoria Beckham over-plucked. She admits that her husband has never seen her without her brows as they’re the first thing to be applied in the early morning.)

Would sparse eyebrows endanger marriage? I doubt it, but the former Spice girl seems to believe so.

They definitely endanger one’s feeling of wellbeing, which is why some of us are very interested in buying decent eyebrow kits.

There is no end to the angles covered by the cosmetic industry. I’m surprised it hasn’t come up with a freckle disguiser.

At school, one or two precocious types in the cosmetics sphere were never seen without a coating of fake tan - on their faces, oddly enough. Now, nearly every Caucasian teenage girl or young woman has a ‘tan’ all year around.

This isn’t cultural appropriation, but just a desire to look sun-kissed and thereby healthy.

It is the bane of the laundry fairies in their homes, as sheets and towels can get stained with fake tan. Apart from that, it’s harmless. But it has to be said that it is often a terrible look.

You see girls who overdo the tanning, applying it all over, even on the white insides of the arms. I saw a teenage girl the other day covered in dark fake tan on top of myriad tattoos, wearing tight white jeans and a cropped top. She looked awful. But maybe she felt great – armoured for the world, despite offending the good taste merchants.

Whereas my contemporaries back in ancient times considered cosmetic surgery to be something that rich American women indulged in, now it has been democratised. Well, not completely. It is still expensive but heck, so many women can rise to the cost because they’re ‘worth it’.

Passing a pristine shop front the other day, I dropped into the premises, which was completely silent and vividly white with just a receptionist in the room. It’s one of those aesthetic clinics offering everything from anti-wrinkle treatment from €170 to a thread lift from €1,800.

The latter treatment is a non-surgical solution that reduces skin sagging “with instant results, minimal down time, and without surgery”.

Or you could opt for a ‘liquid facelift’ which promises to “add volume and erase wrinkles and fine lines, making you look refreshed and radiant”. The cost starts at €999.

Where would you be going? Well, abroad for starters, for a holiday. And maybe even a real tan. Or just a languid week in the shade reading and sipping cool drinks.

What is this obsession with hanging onto your youthful looks instead of easing your way into middle age, confident and not prey to procedures that can turn out badly.

Look at all those trout pouts disfiguring the faces of celebs and tabloid vixens.

Worryingly, girls in their teens and very young women are having treatments done, no doubt due to the influence of social media. They can even order dermal filler online and inject themselves with it. This is dangerous when applied without medical training, and an example of the lack of regulation when it comes to some of Ireland’s cosmetics procedure industry.

The unrelenting requirement to look ‘hot’ fuels vanity and a lot of nonsense. Take the domestic goddess, Martha Stewart, aged 81, who recently became the oldest woman to grace the cover of the American magazine, Sports Illustrated.

There were photos of her in the press in a swimsuit, showing off décolletage, looking about two decades younger than her age. But you can never quite tell whether in fact you’re looking at a picture that has been photo-shopped.

Martha, it has to be said, looked great. But really, at 81, you shouldn’t feel pressure to be a pin-up lady.

But it’s the young ones I feel sorry for. You see them on the bus, pouting at their camera phones, taking selfies.

A Bodywhys survey from a few years ago found that body satisfaction decreased significantly over the course of adolescence with first year students reporting the highest body-esteem in secondary school and sixth year students reporting the lowest. This trend applied to both males and females.

If only adolescents, girls in particular, could be carefree and unselfconscious about their appearance. The truth is they are beautiful in their own way, not yet bothered by wrinkles. Being overly ‘septic’ is a recipe for dissatisfaction. Not to mention being prey to sometimes dodgy procedures.