Tips for parents to navigate exam year

AS we head into the final few months before State exams, let us look at some ideas to support parents and students during this somewhat stressful time.

This cohort of Leaving Certificate students have not experienced a state exam before (due to Covid 19 restrictions) so it is all very new to them. We do need to keep this in mind.

Parents - Try to remain calm and supportive

This may sound easy but we all know it can be far from easy. But do try to remember it is not you that will be sitting the exams, it is your son or daughter. It is perfectly normal for parents to be worried about their child during exam time;

Are they studying enough?

Are they on their phone while studying?

Are they sleeping enough?

Are they very stressed out?

Are they eating ok?

Are they exhausted?

Are they motivated at all?.........the list is endless.

When kids take things out on us (shouting, over reacting, crying, slamming doors etc) - they are usually reacting to an emotion they are feeling which could be fear, stress, pressure etc... They feel safe to let these emotions out with at home, as they know we will always love them.

When they are acting out, try not to react immediately, take a breath, walk away (there are times when I have actually driven away to cool off) - keep the battles for the things that really matter. If you manage to control ‘your’ reactions, you will stop a lot of unnecessary arguments and stress within the home.

Yes, they may be tired, stressed, overwhelmed, frustrated which will cause them to sometimes take things out on you, but I think we are just them same - we can take our feelings out on them too.

For the next few months try to leave the little things go, it’s just not worth it.

Little things that can help

• Start their day off with a healthy breakfast, have healthy options in the house.

• Offer to go for a walk/coffee with them to show them that you have time for them.

• Keep smaller children out of the way while they are studying but especially during exams - (maybe playdates with friends or family members might help)

• Encourage regular sleep patterns - phone out of bedroom when time to sleep, to take temptation away. (I know this may be a struggle, but bribe, do whatever is necessary as without sleep they cannot function properly and they certainly cannot focus properly)

• Hugs are a great comfort and very often take the place of words.

• Leave a little treat where they are studying/on their pillow - little acts of kindness can really help.

• If your child is not motivated at all, try to get someone else to encourage them, someone they look up to — sports coach, drama teacher, older sibling/cousin, extended family member etc - they may say the same things as you but they are not you, and sometimes, that is enough - an outside voice can really help.

Different things appeal to different kids, you know your kids best - they just want to know you get it, you are there for them, you accept them for who they really are and you believe in them.

Keep Perspective

The Leaving Certificate is not the most defining thing in your child’s life. Your child cannot be defined by these results, as all kids have different strengths.

Academia is one aspect of their lives, there are many other character strengths that are so important; ability to be sociable, trustworthy, fun, loyal, helpful, empathetic, honest, kind, confident and have good values, these are all very important character strengths.

Every child has different strengths, their individual strengths are so important to remember, do not let them be judged on academia alone, it is just not fair.

I work with so many exam students who struggle academically for a number of different reasons but they will all have so many other strengths, they just mightn’t realise how important these other strengths are. Help your child to see all of their strengths and show them how these strengths are just as important in life as academia. The school/exam system does not always allow for this, so you need to explain this to them. No child should ever feel ‘less than’ because they struggle with academics. What a narrow world we would live in if this were true. We need every type of child, creative, sporty, entrepreneurial, artistic, computer whizz, communicators, academics and so many more.

Remember, once they do their best, that is all that matters. Try not to compare them to older siblings, cousins, neighbours etc as they are not them, they are each an individual, on their own path.

Too many kids I work with feel under pressure to get the results their parent’s expect of them. Very often kids presume you expect certain results, without you saying anything at all - it is worth having a conversation around this and letting them see your true feelings and that all you want for them is that they do ‘their’ best, as that is enough. Explain that there are so many different options for them if they do not get the points they may need for their top choices, there is always a way. It is good to have a back up plan.

There is a whole world out there for all of our kids, each and every one of them. There are so many options available to them, so many different ways to get to wherever they want to go. For now let’s just try to get them through the next few months in the best way we can, one day at a time.

A quote I often use by Albert Einstein; “Everybody is a genius. But, if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.”

About the author

Eileen Keane Haly, is the Director of jumpstartyourconfidence.com and author of The Parent. Eileen is a qualified Parent Coach, Kids Confidence Coach and Teenage Mentor, with a background in child psychology

Eileenkeanehaly@gmail.com

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