Worrying levels of sex addiction across Cork

SEX addiction in Cork has reached worrying levels with people being forced to wait a year and a half to access therapy.

Donal Clifford is currently the only therapist in the country specialising in the issue.

He said that people are travelling from as far as Dublin to access counselling for sex-related addictions and compulsive behaviour at Cork’s Sexual Health Centre.

Sex and Love Therapy (SALT) is a customised group therapy programme supporting people with concerns in relation to problematic sexualised behaviour. It is based on training undertaken by Donal with leading UK sex addiction expert, Paula Hall.

The SALT programme aims to promote the regulation of sexual behaviour while eliminating any resulting internalised shame or isolation.

Mr Clifford’s clients’ issues vary, with some relating to online pornography, uncharacteristic behaviour, a tendency towards abusive relationships, among other problems.

He stressed that regional hubs need to be set up outside of Cork to alleviate pressure on his service users, some of whom have to travel hours weekly just to access support. Mr Clifford described the emotional impact sexual addictions are having on those affected as well as their partners.

“People are coming to us very distressed,” the psychotherapist said. 

“They have had mental breakdowns and been suicidal. Often it can be masked by a dependence on alcohol and drugs. These can suppress one’s sexual appetite resulting in the primary addiction being overlooked.”

He said the majority of sex addictions are rooted in trauma.

“They have a history of trauma or attachment deficits. This basically means that the parent or parent figure may not have been there to the degree that the child needed them. Religious values in the home can also play a role, resulting in sex becoming demonised over time.” The mental health professional reiterated the damaging impact of what were once considered ‘old Irish values’.

“That’s our legacy. We talk about everything else but sex despite the fact that everyone is a sexual being to some degree.”

The therapist described how the problem can often be masked with substances.

“A lot of the time people will either self-medicate or be treated by professionals with anti-depressants or anti-psychotic drugs. This is to manage anything that is going on for them. The reality is that some people will go to therapists or psychologists who may not feel skilled or comfortable enough to deal with them.”

People, he said, will often seek out new thrills as their addiction spirals.

“The research aligns with what people are presenting with. A drug addict might start off smoking weed before progressing to speed, benzos and heroin. It’s similar with pornography. 

"Just like with TikTok, people are not focused on the material itself. Instead they are focused on what’s new and more daring. They are looking for new stuff all the time and this can come in many forms. They could be getting into men having sex with men even though they are not sexually attracted to men.”

Mr Clifford described how people’s addictions can find their way offline too.

“Quite a few men out there are having sex with men despite not identifying as gay or even bisexual. For them it’s more about the sex than the person the person they are having sex with. Everyone has a different story, the same way everyone has their own fingerprint.

“People with sexual problems are normally very loving, caring and hurt people. Sex can be used as a form of medication when they feel lonely hurt, afraid or even bored.”

A third of group members registered with the programme are female.

“Misinformation can lead some children into being shamed and guilted into understanding something that leaves them very vulnerable. I am dealing with women who began watching pornography between the ages of 10 and 13. The type of pornography leads them to abusive relationships in adulthood.”

He is calling for funding to be ringfenced for specialist training in this area.

“This isn’t something you could fit into a drug and alcohol addiction service. There has to be specialist training. It can’t be provided as an add-on service but a service in itself.”