'We won gay marriage vote, I proposed to my boyfriend that night'

May 22 next year marks the 10th anniversary of the momentous marriage equality referendum, and the law came into force on November 16, 2015.

It was a landmark moment in Irish social and political history. It changed how the world saw Ireland and how Ireland saw herself.

That day in May, 2015, Ireland went to the polls to decide if we wanted to insert a new article in the constitution to say, ‘Marriage may be contracted in accordance with law by two persons without distinction as to their sex’.

The result was emphatic. 1,201,607 of us said ‘Yes’. An overwhelming 62% voted in favour.

In many ways, this was more than about the right to marry. It was about who was welcome in modern Ireland, who was valued and accepted. It was a collective embrace of diversity. It was a profound statement about who we are as a country - inclusive, progressive and equal.

For lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer people (LGBTQ) it was a culmination of decades of campaigning and activism - countless times of telling our stories, sharing our lives, and demanding change.

While homosexuality was only decriminalised in Ireland in 1993, progress has been steady ever since. From the Employment Equality Act in 1998 to the Civil Partnership Act of 2010, each milestone was a step forward. But marriage equality, achieved through a referendum, was different. The progress heretofore had been made by having bills passed by TDs and Senators in Leinster House. A referendum campaign involved everyone in Ireland.

An unexpected outcome of the referendum were the countless kitchen table conversations. In many houses, sexuality was discussed for the first time. The referendum gave people space to open up about their lives. Politicians, TV presenters, postmen and plumbers came out for the first time. Sons told their mothers what they had always suspected. Uncles shared a side of their lives that no-one saw. It was cathartic. It was a moment of honesty and truth - an unburdening for many.

But the referendum had another side - a heavier side. It forced thousands of us to go door to door to ask for a civil right. It placed a massive burden on LGBTQ people. For many, the TV debates were hard to listen to. People took to the airwaves to say why LGBTQ people deserved fewer rights, were less worthy and, in some instances, worse.

Many LGBTQ people were bruised by the campaign. It took a toll on people’s mental health and left many campaigners burnt out and exhausted.

For my own part, I began campaigning for LGBTQ rights in 2008 when I joined the UCC LGBTQ society. For years, we lobbied politicians, wrote letters and organised protests. Every year, placards in tow, we took the bus to Dublin for the annual March for Marriage. After the Citizens Assembly recommended the referendum, we put pressure on the Government to set a date. Once it was called, I joined thousands of others in canvassing, as well as writing an article in favour of the referendum for the Irish Times.

When the referendum passed, it felt like a revolution. People danced in the streets and partied through the night. Thousands who had felt rejected by Catholic Ireland finally felt accepted. People were relieved that their relationships would be formally recognised and they could finally benefit from all the rights and responsibilities marriage offered.

On the night of the referendum, I asked my boyfriend Aaron if he would marry me some day - to my joy, he said he would. A few years later, we set the wedding date for the 5th anniversary of the referendum in May, 2020 - but Covid put paid to those plans. We eventually got married in June, 2022.

There is something so special about availing of the civil rights you fought for. It’s even more special knowing that those rights are there for the next generation.

While we have come a long way in terms of LGBTQ rights, our work isn’t done. Today, Ireland is ranked 15th in Europe in terms of LGBTQ human rights and policy protections, I believe we can do better. I would love to see Ireland get to the top of those rankings.

As a TD, I will continue to campaign for an Ireland where discrimination is eradicated and where everyone, regardless of their gender or sexuality, is valued and included.

As we look back on 10 years since the marriage equality referendum, we should be proud of the progress we have made.

Together, we have made Ireland a more equal, more accepting, and more tolerant society, and that is something to celebrate.