Summer Soap (Episode 7): Clara: ‘I need to see if there is still a spark’

Welcome to The Echo’s annual feature - Summer Soap. Now in its ninth year, Summer Soap is a daily fictional serial run over 12 parts, which started last Monday and runs till Saturday. Called The Space Between Us, the story is about a man who bumps into an ex-girlfriend and discovers she can travel through time. It was written by Robyn Kelly, from the MA in Creative Writing Programme at UCC. Catch up with previous episodes at echolive.ie. In the seventh episode, Clara tells Fran’ she wants to revisit their break-up

STILL adjusting to living in the past, Francis fixed his view on the steady skyline splitting sea and sky in front of him. Interrupting his falling into thought was Clara, returning with two hot dogs from a nearby vendor. The smell wafted through the air, catching the attention of a flock of seagulls picking at an empty Tayto packet.

Clara elbowed Francis, ushering him to a bench about ten yards from them. “C’mon, let’s eat these before we attract any more unwanted attention.”

He chuckled at her remark and gracefully accepted one of the hot dogs once he sat down. She looked up at him, squinting in the sun, her glittery eyeshadow imprinted on her upper lids in the late June humidity. She held up hers in front of him.

“Cheers.”

There was no hiding his smile, he couldn’t remember the last time he was this happy.

“Cheers.”

It was hard for him to even imagine how his morning started from this point. No-one would have been able to convince him that in only a few short hours he would not only run into his ‘one that got away’ but then jump through time with her. Although he trusted her, he didn’t know if he trusted himself to not ruin whatever this was. He might not be 19 any more but screwing up seemed to be something that came unfortunately naturally to him. Sensing his concerns through an exasperated sigh, she filled the quiet between them.

You know, after we broke up I went through a pretty rough time… I didn’t like admitting it to anyone but behind closed doors I was a whole different person. I don’t know if what happened stuck with you the way it stuck with me, but I just want you to know I care about you. Even if I haven’t forgiven you.

The silence that followed was so much thicker than before, Francis’ chest was so tight, it took a noticeable effort to push the air from his lungs and draw it back in. Of course she hadn’t forgiven him. He was delusional for thinking one day would just change all of that. Or could it?

“Clara. I know this probably isn’t much use now but I’m really sorry. If there is anything I can do to prove that to you, please tell me.”

She balled up her food wrapper and clenched it tight in a fist.

“I can’t hold this any more. I was the one who wanted honesty from you but I can’t even be honest right now. Fran, I’m sure you know that there is a reason I’ve chosen that day to come back to.”

He couldn’t handle it. He turned to her, staring at her face. She held her gaze straight ahead. She continued to explain.

The reason I came back all those times to the day on the train was so I could see if there was anything still there between us. In my present we never spoke again, we drifted into new lives separate from one another. I broke the natural course of our track by doing this, but I had to know. I’m sorry.

Her head fell into her hands as she began to sob. The two of them, overwhelmed by emotion, sat together as she cried. He held her shoulder as tight as he could, he wasn’t about to let her fall apart. Not now. He thought of the mistakes he made, the person who he once was. Had he really changed? Or had he just convinced himself of it? There was something about being in her company that felt so right, natural. He didn’t care if nothing came from this; he was just happy to be here with her now, especially once learning it was never meant to pan out like this.

“I can’t imagine the burden you’ve carried with you for the last few years. I am so sorry that I played a part in any of this. You deserve to be happy. What can I do to help?”

She wiped her tears with the back of her hand and wiped a line of smudged mascara into her shorts. “Go back with me again, Fran. I need to know if there was something that could’ve been done to prevent the hurt. If what went down hadn’t happened, would it all be different now. I just need to know.”

I understand. I’ll go with you, wherever you want.

For the first time she felt understood by him, maybe this meant something.

In the time they had spent apart he had found it difficult in the beginning to accept any wrongdoing on his part. He was stubborn and blind to reason. It took a serious reality check (and a new therapist) to set him on a new course, one that didn’t leave destruction in its wake. He had been afraid of reality, pushing meaningful connections away like a harmful drug from which he couldn’t recover. Although still in the process of trying to be better, there was so much for him to learn. If this journey had taught him anything, today he was ready to take a leap of faith, no matter how far back it took him.

Clara and Francis walked half the length of the beach before she felt ready to go back again. Shoulder to shoulder, fingertips grazing, they found the strength to push forward (or backwards, I guess you could say.)

In order to get to the lead-up of their break-up, they needed to visit times and places of their biggest conflicts. Thinking about this made his whole body tense.

The two walked to the main streets of the town, eventually arriving outside the arts centre. Reluctantly, he took her hands in his, took a death breath and began to remember the moment as clearly as it could. It left a sour taste in his mouth. Upon opening his eyes and seeing her standing by the entrance, he whispered to himself: “I should’ve known.”