The Longshot: Names that Stick in the memory, totem poles and chainsaws

Nine months after collapsing to the pitch as his heart stopped during the European Championships, Christian Eriksen rejoined Denmark in a 4-2 loss to the Netherlands, when he scored with his first touch after coming on as a half-time sub. He now has a pacemaker, an insert to kickstart his heart rather than someone to run in front of him, which is just as well as that guy would constantly be getting caught offside.
Ryan Giggs channelled his inner Dylan Thomas when writing love notes we discovered in a court case taken by his former girlfriend, where he faced charges of assaulting her (a retrial was ordered after the jury failed to reach a verdict).
“You are the cherry on my cake, the jam in my doughnut, the salt in my tequila, the truffle in my pasta.” That’s not bad compared to this. “I’m gonna end by saying you are my love my friend my soul, And most of all you believe in me, which makes me hard as a totem pole.”
There was far less poetry in the other major football court case —dubbed the ‘Wagatha Christie’ trial — although Rebekah Vardy did show she has a flair for similes: “Arguing with Coleen [Rooney] is like arguing with a pigeon. You can tell it that you are right and it is wrong but it’s still going to s**t in your hair.”
“It’s one of the best spice markets I’ve ever been to... I cannot wait to bring my children here” David Beckham sold his reputation for some corporate bucks. His Doha spice market review was a bit disingenuous. Especially considering his wife was a Spice Girl. It was an open goal.

Romanian Second Division side Politehnica decided to share an anti-war message before a league clash in March. Their side lined out in T-shirts to show support for the end of hostilities in Ukraine. They stood in the wrong order and managed to advocate for ‘RAW POTS’ instead.
Jens Lehmann buzzed through the roof beams of his neighbour’s garage in Germany with a chainsaw, which we imagine won’t exactly bring an end to what has apparently been a long-running feud.

Dublin goalie Evan Comerford showed he’s handy at a bit of woodwork by doing his best to turn Hawkeye manual as he shook the Croker posts for Sean O’Shea’s last-second effort in the All-Ireland semi-final against Kerry.
Oisín McConville when interviewed with Galway footballer Shane Walsh — who had this season transferred to Dublin club Kilmacud Crokes — was asked if he had ever considered moving away from Crossmaglen. ”I did, but from an early age I had become very attached to my knees.”
‘No-vax’ Djokovic’s getting sent home from Down Under in January.
The Serb bounced back at Wimbledon thanks to Nick Kyrgios’s meltdown on Centre Court. It wasn’t the Aussie’s fault, of course, it was the fault of his coaches, his family, and his girlfriend in the crowd. And a woman cheering him on too loudly.
Well, I wrote “No Escape from Alcaraz” after the 19-year-old Carlos from Spain became the youngest ever ATP No. 1 after winning the US Open. Another ace associated with a jail was Boris Becker, who left prison after serving (!) seven months in the UK for fraud.
Rhys McClenaghan shrugged off Olympic and European Championship disappointment to become Ireland’s first gymnastics world champion on the pommel.
The best Irish performance on a horse in Liverpool since Rachael Blackmore guided Minella Times home last year.
Coach Dominic Ingle drinking a glass of sweat squeezed out of the training shirt of his boxer Kell Brook.
Sweeping away any claims Tyson Fury might have to this title was Tampa Bay quarterback Tom Brady who changed his mind after 40 days away from the NFL. Being American, it was probably in some sort of Christ-centric timing thing
Scottie Scheffler, the only golfer to play every round under par at Augusta, finished 10-under to win his first major championship at the Masters and retain his No. 1 world ranking. Fair play to him? No. It was all down to the Big Guy in the Sky, he said. “The reason why I play golf is that I am trying to glorify God and all that he’s done in my life.” No wonder he did so well around Amen Corner.
“They are scary motherf*****s to get involved with. We know they killed [Jamal] Khashoggi and have a horrible record on human rights. They execute people over there for being gay.” Phil Mickelson decided to ignore any doubts he had about Saudi Arabia and joined up with the LIV Tour.