Dear Joan,

Please give me your opinion on this — my boyfriend of three years has been hinting that he wants me to join in threesome or foursome sex with him.

I do not feel comfortable about this but don’t know what to do about it.

I know lots of my friends have tried this with their partners and some of them have said that it was fun.

I’m worried that my partner just wants to be with someone else and I feel that I am not enough for him.

I also feel now that if I don’t go ahead with this then he will end our relationship.

Do you think I should go ahead and do it?

Anne.

Dear Anne,

It sounds like you are feeling undervalued by your partner. I can understand your fears around doing this.

You say some of your friends have tried this and they enjoyed the experience. Have you asked them if they had any doubts beforehand?

And just because it worked for them, it does not mean that you have to do the same if you don’t want to.

Your partner needs to understand your level of discomfort around this and I’m wondering if you have expressed this belief to him?

If something does not feel right to you, you are well within your rights to not go ahead with it.

Maybe telling your boyfriend exactly how you feel about this will help him to understand. I wish you the best with this.